I'm Sorry {Lark/Sevrin}

[Bellatora]

Iirla stood, looking at the door of Sevrin's weyr. She should probably give him more time. It had only been a couple of sevendays ago that Izanycorth had killed his lifemate... But... She needed to apologize. She needed to console him as best she could... she needed to assure him that he would have a place in the Weyr all the same... Faranth knew they could still use his knowledge. But... she had been putting it off and putting it off... and finally... she just had to do it. She should probably be looking for him elsewhere - or have a better idea of where he was... but she had made sure to have someone give him word that he was permitted to stay in his weyr... if he wished, but she did not honestly know where he was.

She knocked lightly at the door. "Sevrin...?" she called, her voice gentle, but not particularly soft. She bit her lip and waited, feeling her little fair not far behind her. Praesent, of course, wrapped himself around her neck while Ama and Trivol took up places hanging from the shoulders of her tunic.

Izanycorth sighed. I can see if I can find where he is Mine... if he isn't there... I am sorry to have killed his bronze... but I could not change it...

She hated to admit it since she had hated him for so long - in fact she felt like she was going to apologize to her worst enemy.... She still hated him, but she felt guilty. No rider should ever have to lose their dragon. But mayb he would learn something form this.

THank you, Izanycorth... but let's just hope he's here first... alright... I hate to admit it... but we do still need him... As much as I'd like to see S'vrin gone.

He is not S'vrin anymore...

[Wish]

Sevrin had been confined to his weyr for the past few sevendays. Whether it was because Tikrin made him, or because he couldn't not move out, he didn't know. To be honest, he didn't sharding care either. He pushed back his bangs, forgetting the rest of the bedraggled mess he called hair. Sprawled out on his bed, there wasn't much for him to do, except for think. He'd done a whole sharding lot of that too lately. Think, it's all he was capable of doing when Tikrin wasn't able to persuade him to eat. The boy was gone now, which only made things worse.

Tikrin had been someone he had grown up with. Tikrin, Panille..his sister....he missed them, both his girls were gone. All that was left of those days was the candidate, and the newer days of Ar'rex and Miyaka were put behind him. He didn't allow Miyaka to come see him any more, and the healer apprentice left it as was. After all, he was of no use to her anymore now that he was without his Bronze. His Bronze, his Coziryth. Pain arced through him as he thought of his other half. It was easier to think, not so muddled by upset feelings or anger, yet he didn't mind the change.

No longer did Sevrin feel like he needed to pursue some grand scheme. So what if there were new colors and differences from when he first was impressed...that wasn't his world anymore. Sighing, he rolled over and ignored the knocking at his door. He didn't want visitors, however he knew they'd probably just come in anyway. Finally, growling under his breath he glared at the entrance to his weyr and propped his head on another pillow. "What the shards do you want, unless you Tikrin with food, I don't think I want to see you." He didn't care who it was, though he had his suspicions.

[Bellatora]

"It's Iirla... And I did bring food with me if that will make you a little more calm..." her voice was nervous. She didn't push open the door, tough, but rather stood, waiting for him. "Please... Sevrin... I need to apologize at the very least..."

She waited but a minute before pushing the door open. "You don't have to stay here if you don't want, Sevrin... But... we... I... would like you to..." She walked very slowly towards the bed where he lay, carrying a basket with food in it on her arm, moving slowly. "There aren't words... that could ever make up for what I allowed her to do... Nothing is adequate... Nothing except perhaps life for life, but even that won't fix it... I'm sorry... I would undo it if I could..." she placed the basket on the desk. It looked like he could use a good bath... and his weyr could use a good cleaning. She sighed and, without being asked and without really considering that he might object, she went to work picking things up. She would serve him. It was the only way she knew to apologize. She would take care of him because he needed someone to support him. His cohorts were doing alright. But only one of them who visited was a woman... a young trader girl... She wondered if she would see her here. She usually visited frequently... helped him tend to the flitter eggs which sat in a pot by the fire. She was out right now, though... She supposed anyways...

Iirla looked at Praesent who had landed near the end of the bed and was crooning soothingly to the man who obviously was hurting... or that was what the flitter and what His perceived.

[Wish]

He eyed her warily, not quite able to disconnect dragoness from rider despite the flight being weeks away now. When she mentioned food however, that got him interested. "Fine, food I will take." He grabbed for it, nibbling on the offering absentmindedly, his eyes never leaving her body. It wasn't the look a man gave someone he wanted, no, it was just him being weary about what she was up to. Why would she of all people be here, the only thing that could be worse he supposed was J'dol. The poor man almost lost his food at that thought and he fought against his stomach's need to retch.

Finally, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, a reflex even though he hadn't actually been sick at all, he looked at her and glared. "There ain't nothin' you can do, so stop worryin' already. What's done is done, learn from it, don't be sorry." He sighed, eating another bite again before setting it aside and looking at the blue that had landed on the edge of his bed. Patting his leg he signaled that it could creep closer if the blue so wished, the little creature hadn't done anything wrong to him, the quarrel wasn't with him.

When Iirla started to pick up his room however, that became a bit much. Getting up, stiff in his body from the lack of use, he trembled and tried to right himself. He was only half dressed, but he paid that no mind, taking the item she was currently holding and putting it in its proper place. "I don't need help..." He looked over at the warmed pot with the two firelizard eggs, comforted in the fact that at least he could be in charge of them. He wasn't helpless, he just wasn't! Sevrin wanted to look and act strong, but the moment he tried to step somewhere else, his body buckled and he started to fall.

A hand swept out, catching on the table and scraping the rough skin making him hiss in pain. "Shards....can't do anything right can I?"

[Bellatora]

Praesent crooned and walked over to Sevrin, rubbing against him with a near purr as he tried to comfort the dragonless man. Iirla looked at the two. "That's Praesent... he's the only good one of the three..." she smiled slightly and looked to where Trivol and Ama were sitting, regarding the two eggs which Sevrin had in the pot from the mantel above. "You two be good," she said in a slight growl. She sighed and turned towards him. "I'll learn from it..." her voice was soft. She studied him. "Sevrin," it took some effort to remember not to call him by his honorific, "I'm never going to be able to forget what I let her do... and I'm not going to be able to just pretend that it didn't happen or that you are here. Believe it or not... I care about how you are doing and how you are fairing." She frowned at him. They had never been on the best terms.

She frowned. "You aren't helpless unless you make yourself that way. You need to move or you will die laying there. Food alone isn't going to keep you going." She was a bit harsh with her words. She watched him move. He obviously hadn't been up and about much....

Then he started to fall as he attempted to step elsewhere and she rushed to his side, kneeling to look at him. "You can do things right. You always could... even when you were a rider and not the most pleasant ones at the time. You're smart. You are a good leader and a good strategist... I wish I'd known you before you Impressed..." She sighed. She had one hand very gently on his back, she wore a frown of disapproval at his words.

[Wish]

He snorted as she came to help him, half letting her and then shrugging her off as soon as he was okay on his own. His body posture was hardened, tense and protective against her. However, his eyes betrayed something else as she talked. So she thought that of him did she? "I've heard those words many a time Kid. They're hardly true any more." He breathed out a sigh and wobbled back to his bed, doing well to just keep the food from coming up again.

He reached out to pet the little blue, wanting to move him to his lap. It was something to hang onto, something draconic and warm and something alive. His eyes wandered to the pot where the Firelizards were watching, wondering what would be waiting for him in those eggs. "They're company though....family." What was the point in keeping his secrets to himsel any longer? He had been so very careful to hide his reasonings, to hide his story. Pushing his hand through his hair he shook his head.

"No, not before I impressed. C...Coziryth wasn't the only problem. He was harsh and competitive yes, but that fueled something already in me. You can't make a fire burn brighter when you ain't got no stone after all." He laughed at his joke, his face crinkling, though his eyes were void from the emotion, telling anyone that was careful enough to look that it wasn't genuine. "Before my...before my sister died. That's when you'd have wanted to know me." He rubbed the back of his neck, tired and suddenly just drained of everything. He had never felt so open and vulnerable in his life, and oddly instead of scaring him, it made him feel...comforted.

[Bellatora]

Iirla crossed her arms and looked at him seriously. "Words are words unless there is something to back them up. Am I right?" She raised an eyebrow looking at him. "Rest, Sevrin. You need it.... You're ill, whether you realize it or not." She walked over to him and gave him a serious look. "You may not like it, but I'm going to visit you frequently to see how you are doing, Sevrin." She crossed her arms stubbornly.

"They really are." She looked at Ama and the flitter flew over to her shoulder. Iirla pet her as she rubbed against her. "Ama was my first handful... but she was wonderful to have. A family member after being alone for so long..." Praesent climbed into his lap and rubbed against him, crooning softly, trying to send comforting feelings at the man. He seemed so sad and broken in so many ways.....

She watched him. "Mind if I sit...?" she asked him softly, motioning to a chair across from him, but significantly closer to the bed than before.

She wanted to reach out and hug him... to try to show him compassion and caring... and comfort... She gently reached over to him and touched the back of his hand. "I'm sorry... to hear that you lost her..." her emotion was genuine... it was easy to tell that much. THere was a deep sorrow in her... Perhaps she was thinking of how she had lost her own siblings - every one of them... She still wondered what had becoem of htem... she knew... not all of them were still alive... "What was she like, Sevrin... can you remember...? Truly remember...?"

[Wish]

"Of course you can shardin' sit woman." He snorted as he wiggled into the comforter and let a small sigh escape his lips. A hand even moved up to rub at the bridge of his nose. When had this headache started? Or maybe this one was just a continuation of the one he had had earlier? Either way, it didn't seem to care or let up despite the movements he was making. When he was asked about her though? Oh shards and shells his day couldn't get any worse...or to be honest, any better either.

When had his mouth suddenly go so dry, and when had his hands started to become sweaty? Gulping while frantically trying to collect his thoughts, Sevrin closed his eyes and let his breath out in a rush. Suddenly though, as quickly as the feelings came, they left. In their place was an image of a little girl sleeping in his arms, himself still young and a candidate. It was one of his favorite memories of them, one he had held so tightly and yet pushed so far back into his mind, that he had almost forgotten it was there.

"She..she was beautiful. She had the most naive and yet loving heart anyone could meet. No one could do harm in her eyes, and she tried to justify everyone's words with her own. Seeing her was like seeing a rainbow after a storm. It was just..." he found himself shaking his head, a small smile playing over his features. That wasn't what made him stop though. Something had slid down his cheek while he had talked, something that had stemmed from a distinct stinging sensation in his eyes.

He was crying.