Scored and Scared {Assaila}

[Zirin]

His hand twitched as she touched him, as always. There really was no going back now was there? The silence seemed to stretch on, after Assaila spoke, as J'degar seemed to weigh her question in his mind. She looked so.. vulnerable. If he said the wrong thing would she break and run off? He groaned again rubbing his temple again in frustration.

When he finally spoke, he spoke sternly, his eyes were basically glued to her at that point. "I suppose... if it was on my own terms..." What was he even trying to say? He... he was scared. A part of his was afraid that he was losing the part of his heart meant for his late wife. Another part of him wants to lose it. This woman in front of him... this woman who was trying so hard, who hadn't left his side despite how mean he could be. In a way, he wanted both... perhaps he was being too greedy.

"I... I suppose it's only fair that I allow you to.. 'take advantage of me' as it were. If you want." He wasn't quite ready to admit he was okay with this outright with this. He wasn't quite ready to move on completely but, he supposed he could give it a shot. Faranth knew the woman already had more control over him than she seemed to know.

[Bellatora]

Assaila looked at him, blinking in surprise and confusion. "Gar... what your saying... hardly makes sense... Maybe you should rest..." she said worriedly, gently reaching up and feeling his forehead as if attempting to take his temperature. "Are you in any pain?" her voice was still so soft. She felt scared. She was still thinking about what he was saying.

"Gar... would you ever just kiss me for any reason...?" she asked him, trying to use it as a way of deciphering what he was saying. "You're hardly making sense... and... I'm trying... trying to understand..." She wasn't upset but her voice was pleading. She closed her eyes and sat at the edge of her bed, her eyes looking down at the ground. One hand rested on the bed not far from his own while the other was wrapped around her, holding her elbow.

She kept her eyes closed, looking down towards the ground. "I won't make you say anything if you don't want to, Gar." She sighed again and just did her best to keep herself together. She was tired and frazzled and had just had the scare of a lifetime... or a new one... and she just wanted everything to be okay. Of course... She didn't expect him to admit he loved her or even have any such feeling... the likelihood seemed so low.

[Zirin]

"I'm fine." He retorted faster than he should have. Shards, he could have used that as an excuse to get out of this for a while. It was too late now anyways. He was trapped, no way out without hurting her. As it was, she already looked hurt... his fault for letting it get this out of hand.

"You're so troublesome," J'degar grumbled as she sat down on the edge of the bed... with his injuries he couldn't just reach over like he wanted. Well, he had long passed the point of no return, so it was time to make ammends. Using his good arm, he did his best to sit up, wincing at the excrutiating pain the effort caused. The look in his eyes clearly showed he wanted no help, nor would he accept it. Finally, finally he managed to sit up, though he was actually panting from the excersion.

"You can never just get it can you. I can't tell you I love you. I can't be what you want me to be. But..." He trailed off. His good hand reached to cup her face a pull her closer if she let him; his voice had gotten quiet and hard to hear. "It doesn't mean I wont try," And with that he tried to pull her into a kiss.

[Bellatora]

She looked at him in surprise. "Gar! You're going to hurt yourself!" she said, reaching towards him as if to help him... but his expression clearly said he didn't want it, so she didn't. Instead.... she sat there and looked at him as he moved, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Gar...?" she asked questioningly. His hand touched her face and she leaned into his touch... Then he was pulling her towards him. She blinked in confusion, but didn't fight, instead she allowed him to draw her into a kiss. She slowly reached a hand up to touch his cheek. He was going to try... She pulled away panting, leaving her face close to his. "You will try...?" she smiled, tears nearly threatening to spill from her eyes. He couldn't say it... he couldn't be what she wanted... but he was going to try. Perhaps... perhaps he did... could love her... In some part of his heart. She looked at him again, the burning desire to kiss him again obvious in her expression. "Even if you can't say it... Just trying... you make me happy Gar... You make me very happy." Her tone was soft. She didn't want him to hurt. But she was sure he did sitting up like this. It would just be what they needed if a healer came in at this point.

She very very gently kissed the edge of his mouth. "Thank you... thank you for this..." Her voice was a whisper and she was grinning like a fool. She was happy. So very happy. The man of her dreams... and he had.... Faranth she was a lucky woman. At least right now. She hoped it wasn't the fellis right now that was the reason eh was saying or doing this... She loved that he held her. She lvoed that he had pulled her into the kiss. He really seemed to want her to kiss her and be with her... maybe... hopefully. She wanted him to give her another kiss...

[Zirin]

When Assaila pulled away, J'degar found himself sluping into her shoulder. He shouldn't have done that... He really shouldn't have... "Don't... Don't expect too much," He gulped, the pain clouding his eyes as he looked at her, though his expression remained otherwise stern, even as she kissed the corner of his mouth.

"You're grinning like an idiot," J'degar said, actually shocked at how... happy she seemed about this. "The healers are going to think I slipped you some of my fellis..." He wasn't quite sure how to deal with Assaila, though he did know he desperately needed to lie back down. He pulled away from the woman to try to do it himself, though if she offered help he wouldn't refuse this time. That last stunt had take most of his energy. Soon enough he was lying back down, wincing and hoping he could get comfortable again.

It wasn't just physical pain that was making him uncomfortable however. He was also carrying a fair bit of worry now; worry that Assaila would expect too much of him too soon. He was, in the end, a simple man.

[Bellatora]

Assaila didn't let him just try to lay back on his own, but very carefully helped him to lay back, feeling a little guilty... but... still thrilled he had done what he had... said what he had... But she wasn't sure how much or how little to expect... especially at first.

"Hmm... Grinning like an idiot, am I? Well... I think I'll let you get away with that one since it's true." She just smiled and gave him a very gentle poke to his good shoulder. "Well... maybe. Did you?" she asked him teasingly, smiling warmly as she leaned down and very gently kissed his forehead. "Get some rest... and I'll try to do the same..." she said softly, pulling the chair back around to face him and sitting in it, putting her head on the bed once more. She wasn't sure where else to sleep... unless she went to his weyr.... but right now... sh would rather be here... by his side.

[Zirin]

 "I don't think I'm in any state to share my fellis." He spoke with such conviction, and such a stern face that it looked like his very life depended on the idea of fellis. Of course.. with his addiction to the stuff he needed a fair bit to even feel it... so every drop counted. "You're smiling worse than maiden after her first kiss." He statedm though... he supposed this was, in a weird way, their first kiss. At least, it was the first one where he had consciously had a choice about it. Either way, he was getting too old for this.

"You won't try to do the same. You will do the same." He gave her a reprimanding look, "I wont even close my eyes until you fall asleep. You need it more than I do." That would be the price to pay for staying in the infirmary with him. He allowed himself the slightest twitch of a smile as he leaned onto the bed to nap. "You do realize a bed would bring you a better sleep..." Though he said it, he doubted Assaila was going to be willing to leave the room. 

[Bellatora]

"Hmm... But what if I consider this my first kiss... or at least... the first one to mean anything," she said, standing again and giving him a smile as she gently took hold of his hand and looked at him, serious again. "You really aren't even going to close your eyes until I sleep? Stubborn, aren't you?" she said with a grin and sat again. "And if a bed did, what would you suggest.... I leave you and go sleep in your weyr? But then how would you know that I actually slept," she said with a grin before sitting again and making herself as comfortable as she could in a chair with her head resting on the bed near Gar.


She smiled at him, though she didn't move. She would prefer to stay with him. but there was no bed for her here and he was right... but that was neither here nor there. She had promised she wasn't going to leave him in the infirmary or leave him in general until he had at least been moved to his own weyr... and even then she was probably going to stay wit him. If he wanted her, anyways.

[Zirin]

 The look J'degar gave Assaila clearly showd how unimpressed he was with her answer. His hand gave an involuntary twitch as she took hold and J'degar grimaced. It was a subconscious habit and he didn't know if he couldever really become comfortable with physical contact. She'd probably be offended if he didn't... Well... she knew what she was getting into... trying to be involved with him. There probably would't be sweet nothing whispered between them, and displays of public affection probably wouldn't occur... at least not if he could help it. 

"You have to be stubborn to deal with you," He said flatly, "It's the only way I know you'll get sleep." Sometimes he felt like he was dealing with a child... even if he knew she was saying some of these things in jest. "I'm surprised you're not jumping at the chance to have free reign of my weyr. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity." Not that he had anything worthwhile or exciting in his weyr. It sufficed for living quarters and that was that. "Besides. Didn't you see my terrifying guard cat? She'll tell me if you slept." Sometimes it could be hard to tell J'degar was joking... times like now, when he kept the most serious expression. He sighed as she made herself 'comfortable' on the edge of his rather uncomfortable infirmary bed.

"If you so much as groan about neck cramps later... by Faranth, I swear I'll have you running laps with the weyrlings."

[Bellatora]

"I don't think you're going to ever get completely used to me touching you... but I guess... that's okay." She said softly, smiling gently at him, giving his hand a quick squeeze before letting go. He wasn't exactly the most sociable person. She had already known for a fact that it probably wouldn't be the lovie dovie kind of realationship that some girls tended to dream of. That was okay. Those kinds of things could easily get in the way if one allowed them.

She sighed and sat up, looking at him again. "Milly is a sweetheart. And I think she just might be in need of some attention. Would you really make me run with the Weyrlings if I complained...? Hmm? Not that complaining is likely to happen, J'degar. I have had far worse than neck cramps." She gave him a slight wink but, giving an over dramatic sigh she stood. "I'll go to your weyr, but not so I can have free reign of it... so I can see Milly and give her some well deserved attention." She grinned, clearly not taking anything about the guard cat seriously. "I will see you later... hopefully within the next few hours... but no garuntees I'll wake up then..." She leaned down to him and gently placed the softest kiss on his cheek. "Good dreams, Gar. I hope you can talk to Syph soon."

She started walking out and looked back over her shoulder for a brief moment, Anori appearing and landing on her shoulder. Her expression was so soft and gentle as she looked at Gar once more before leaving the room and heading up to his weyr where she would sleep for now. She wouldn't dream of snooping about... that would just not be right.

Once she got there... she laid down on the bed, making herself comfortable and hoping Milly would show up shortly.

[Zirin]

She was talking about his cat. His cat. No one messed with his cat! What if she trained Milly to do soemthing strange... maybe letting her in his weyr wasn't such a good idea after all. He sighed deeply, trying to relax into his pillows.

"You would run until you passed out from exhaustion. I'd treat you like one of them, if you complained." His eyes widened just enough to be noticeable at the subtle joke in her sentence. "You take good care of her... poor thing is probably going stir crazy being all alone." She had full run of Trelis but not many people would stop to pet a cat like he would.

"Sleep well. I better not see you before the sun's up tomorrow, or I'll make you run laps anyways." When Assaila looked back, it would be in time to see J'degar cover his eyes with his arm once more, still entirely unsure about what he was doing. Shards, he hadn't felt like this in a long long time. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, willing sleep to take him once more. There was no doubt he would sleep until the next day.

Milly meowed lightly at the sound of someone entering the weyr, and was quick to investigate when someone sat on the bed. With a purr, she rubbed into Assaila's leg, looking for attention.

{If you want to do another post as a 'later day' feel free }

[Bellatora]

"Hello lovely girl." Assaila said, grinning ear to ear and bending down to gently scratch her ears and give her attention. "Well, Milly.... looks like it's you and me for awhile... Time to rest..." She gently picked her up and placed the cat beside her as she lay down and closed her eyes, petting her gently and tried to fall asleep for awhile.... more than awhile.

{A few days later...}

Assaila woke up and stretched before sitting up and washing her face and hair, which was now cropped short. She winced slightly. She hated how it looked. But... it was safer for her... and for Annaliese. But that didn't mean she wouldn't be caught. they were still here. They were still looking... And some of them actually seemed smart.

She tucked her hair behind her ears and started down to the infirmary. Anori landed on her shoulder and Milly she looked down at Milly. "Are you coming down to see him, girl?" she asked the cat before slipping through the door and walking down to the infirmary.

She smiled softly as she came in. "Good morning, Gar." She walked over to his bed. She thought that possibly today would be the day he got to go back to his weyr. With her. She brushed her hair back again. It was a bit irritating.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, walking over to him and took his hand in hers gently. "What have the Healer's said...?" she asked him softly, hoping that today would be the day he got to go back to his weyr.... with her.

[Zirin]

At the sound of an all to familiar voice caused J'degar to look over at the entrance, his jaw actually dropping in shock. The expression he wore on his face rather clearly said 'Did you get in a fight with a wherry and lose?'. "Good morning..." He replied gruffly, masking his expression back to stern world-hatred. "I'm sick and tired of staring at these walls." He replied, still eyeing her haircut. He HAD suggested it... he just hadn't expected her to look so.. weird with short hair. It didn't look bad, persay, it just didn't look like Assaila. Then again, that was the point.

"The healers seem to think I'm incapable of making it to my weyr and should stay in bed. I told them to go fly themselves and lo and behold, I suddenly have permission to leave." Shards he hated the infirmary. At least they had given him a crutch of sorts... it still hurt quite a lot to move his left side, and the healers had warned again working himself too hard; the wounds could easily reopen. But, as long as he stayed in bed as much as possible they saw no reason to keep him penned up in here.

Pulling his crutch over, he winced and did what he could to get himself standing, the strain in his wounds already felt. Once standing though, he reached out with the intent of running his fingers briefly through her hair. "I didn't think you'd cut it so short..." He pulled away as a healer came over, giving a few verbal instructions about caring for himself and his wounds before moving on to some good-to-know information.

"We'll have a healer come up to change your bandages every few days and bath you as needed. No real baths yet, you'll need to sponge bathe, either when the healer visits or if you can find someone to help you with that. Are you sure you can make it to your weyr?"

Sponge baths.... ugh... J'dol grimaced, shook his head, and started his slow hobble towards the door, giving Assaila a quick flick of his head to follow.

[Bellatora]

Assaila blushed as he looked at her in what could only be described as shock... before masking that expression again. She walked over to him. He nearly ran his hand through her short hair when the Healer came and she let out an irritated breath. "I think you are more than capable, Gar..." she said smiling softly as she looked at him.

She was quiet listening to them. And then he wsa leaving and telling her to follow him. She smiled to the healer and gave a quick bow before hurrying after him. "Would you rather someone else handle the sponge bathing rather than the healers?" she teased him just enough so that he could hear her. "If so... all you ahve to do is say so." She looked back over her shoulder and then looked back quickly, moving a bit closer to Gar, her expression seeming a bit... frightened for a moment. She didn't look back again. She jsut hoped she looked different enough not to be noticed. "I'll gladly help you if you want it..." she said, though her tone was a bit distracted.

She had seen one of them. she'd have to be careful...

[Zirin]

He couldn't help the faint flush of pink on his cheeks as she joked about the baths. For all that he had seen her naked, and vice versa, it seemed so much more embarassing to actually be bathed by her... He could sharding well bath himself between healer visits if he had to! He had his dignity to protect. Besides... she was the 'pillow girl'... she couldn't be trusted. What if she did something while he couldn't really move... what if she-?

He coughed to cover up the fact that he was feeling abnormally warm now. Had he really been in the infirmary so long that he couldn't keep control of his thoughts? Luckily she seemed distracted, so maybe she hadn't noticed?

"Looking around like that makes you look guilty." He mumbled quietly. He didn't know she had seen one of 'them' but he had sworn to protect her if they ever came... and he hadn't forgotten that promise. "Come on girl." He couldn't help but glance about as well, though he wasn't quite sure what he was looking for. It was times like this he was glad his weyr wasn't far off.