Pacing {Open}

[Ace]

In between tasks, Dessorn often wandered the halls of the Lower Caverns. It was much easier to pretend he was going somewhere -- or that he was completely lost and wandering around in confusion -- than to risk having someone barge in on him pacing around the room, muttering to himself about the interactions between different types of herbs. Out in public, the presence of other people was usually enough to remind Dessorn that muttering to himself, even if it's just to keep his mind on track and not distracted by the thousands and thousands of distractions in the world, would make him look a bit strange.

Today had been bad, though. It wasn't any one thing in particular; it was the combination of a bunch of different things over the past sevenday or so. It was the typical array of menial, meaningless tasks that Dessorn got tasked with (okay, so maybe numbweed wasn't meaningless, not meaningless at all, but there were much better uses of his time than adding to the stock of numbweed salve), plus the stress of approaching Threadfall (he had better not be assigned anywhere near the front lines), plus, since when did Dessorn need a reason to be anxious?

Pacing, then, should have been good for him, but being out in the open caves, but instead, it felt like he could hear the breathing of every single person he walked by, the footsteps echoing all throughout the tunnels, and it was just too much. Too much, far too much.

It got to the point where there was really nothing else he could do but sit down against the wall somewhere and rest. Yes, he was still in a public space, not even really hidden in some hardly-used portion of the lower caverns, but it was still much better than pretending that everything was okay. He had lavender in one of his pouches, at least, and holding a sample of it up to his nose gave him a strong scent to focus on -- even if it didn't make him look any more "normal."

[twitchie]

Mae was quite distracted with receiting lyrics to herself. You see, she had never gotten the hang of reading. She could sound out words after a great deal of trouble and get a close idea of what she was reading. Copying out songs was also a nightmare so the young Harper was fleeing from her room to hide from the work...

She stopped suddenly, looking at a leg she had nearly trampled...
Her eyes followed the limb up to... oh a whole person.
"A-are you ok, sir?"

Mae was truely concerned. The man was sniffing at a flower too. She didn't think it weird, even if it was - Mae hardly judged.

"I'm Mae. I don't want to bother you... but...but what are you doing?"
She almost reached out to touch the man's hand, but something in her gut told her to do otherwise. Her hand fell to her side...

Now, Mae was not a normal girl either. She actually looked like a boy, short ruffled hair and crudely fitted tunic and boots... Everything would be masculine except her voice.

[Ace]

Dessorn was expecting to be ignored, or at most, get some pitying or confused looks. Those, he could deal with. In fact, he didn't even realize that someone was trying to talk to him until she introduced herself. He blinked up at her, startled and confused, and rather hurriedly put the bit of lavender away. Even if his brain wasn't wracked with this constant anxiety, he still wouldn't have had the proper words to answer her. Everything was just too loud and distracting and everything was happening all at once.

"Lavender," Dessorn said, pushing against the wall behind him to get back up onto his feet. "The smell of lavender helps with stress and anxiety, and all-around relaxes the body." Somehow, those words were the ones that came most naturally. "Generally the tea proves more effective, but for quick bursts of anxiety, the scent is a good stabilizer, for me at least." Although the words came out as if they were memorized, keeping his mouth moving without too much stammering proved difficult enough that it gave him something to focus on. Plus, sheer self-consciousness kept him from breaking down again.

"Strange name for a boy, 'Mae.' Probably short for something," Dessorn mused out loud. At first, he had resented the fact that someone found it necessary to ask if he was okay, but it was probably better this way -- how stupid it was to just let himself sit down in the middle of the sharding hallway. Stupid Dessorn. So he couldn't be too annoyed at Mae for doing the obvious and asking if he was okay. Speaking of obvious, wasn't he meant to give his name, too? "Dessorn," he said. "My name is Dessorn. Uh, I'm a journeyman Healer." Right, the kind of healer who breaks down in the middle of a hallway and needs to self-medicate. He probably made people feel very confident in the state of modern healercraft.

[twitchie]

Mae watched the man carefully, actually forgetting the lyrics she had been memorizing.
Then his comment caused a scoff to come from her, not purposefully rude but rather amused.
"Y-you really think I'm a boy?"
She was half flattered half embaressed. Should she not dress like this?
"My name's just Mae. And..."
Would the already unstable man break down if she told him he was wrong? Mae was terrified, she hated upsetting another person.
"C-can you read? Or write?"
Thankfully the hallway was quite dark, and her red face was mostly hidden. Mae could do neither well... and frankly, it was on the edge of driving her insane. It was the easiest distraction she could think of... as silly as it was...
Hopefully she wasn't making everything worse...

[Ace]

Not a boy, then? That was the only way to explain that sort of reaction. Dessorn frowned, partly out of confusion and partly out of a deeper discomfort that Dessorn had always had with gender nonconformity -- as if by looking boyish, Mae would have the ability to figure out Dessorn's gender.

Before he could worry about it too much, though, Mae's question derailed that train of thought. "Read or write?" he echoed, his brain already trying to think up a script for this conversation thread. His brain was having a hard time catching up, so he just stared at Mae for a bit too long before responding, "Um, yes. Journeyman Healer...?" Admittedly, Dessorn had figured out those skills well before his apprenticeship, but those words came easiest.

Dessorn felt tired, but his mind wasn't actually slowing down. It was a good distraction from the sound of footsteps echoing through the hall and the suddenly very heavy feeling of all his layers and packs. His thoughts: That probably meant that Mae was uneducated, a drudge maybe (although, her dress was far too good for that -- Dessorn shouldn't so easily assume 'drudge,' maybe just ordinary uneducated weyrfolk). She probably had something for him to read or write for her. It wasn't exactly something he would look forward to, but how could he get out of it?

"What do you want?" he finally asked, trying not to sound too rude, but shards, sometimes he wished that his brain would just shut up.

[twitchie]

Mae gave Dessorn a confused look. He acted as if she had asked him to do something horrible! She'd asked a question, not a favor...
"No... I was... curious...but..."
She must have upset him. Had she said something wrong? She rather liked his odd way of blurting things. It was different... Just like she was. Maybe she felt like they were alike, odd in a world of 'normals'. Clearly he didn't scream friendly or atleast social...

"I'm sure you must be busy... I...I'm sorry I bothered you... I'd never seen you before...."
He'd laugh if she told him the reason she looked so boyish. She had been abused by the women in her life and got along better with men... usually...