wash away {zirin}

[Elessar]

Iro'ris still couldn't believe it. He was thirty turns old, a good ten turns older than the age for Candidacy, and yet his beautiful, gorgeous Topaz Saekath, his Lion Queen, had called to him from the sands, and he had Impressed a dragon. After all the years of envy... he didn't have to be jealous any more.

Of course, his Impression came with significant downfalls. It was two days since the Hatching, and his Impression to Saekath, and his best friend in the world, J'degar, still wasn't speaking to him. Naturally, Iro'ris was rather upset with this fact, so he had taken measures to gain his friend back by leaving J'degar a note to meet him in the bathing pools... and that he had plenty of fellis laced klah to share.

However, Saekath was still a hatchling and required constant watching. All she did was eat, sleep, get bathed and oiled, and then do it all over again! As infuriating as it was at times, Iro'ris could swear that his Lion Queen had already grown about half a foot! He figured if she continued growing at that rate, she'd outgrow every single dragon in the Weyr, which was both thrilling and terrifying.

So, how to care for his dragon and make ammends with his best friend? Well, Saekath was still small enough... And besides, the river was rather chilly, and he couldn't go without supervision (another infuriating point for Iro'ris, as he wasn't used to having to follow many orders), so... well, why not take his dragon to the baths?

Late evening found the Weyrling and his Lion Queen arriving at the bathing pools. While Iro removed his clothing, placing it in a neat pile, Saekath submerged herself in the warm water, eyes swirling happily. This is very nice, Iro'risMine. You should bathe me here more often!

[/color] Iro laughed. "As much as I'd like to, you'll be too big soon! You take enough washing as it is... I hate to think of how much work it's going to be to oil you when you're fully grown..."

The man trailed off, shaking his head, and Saekath dipped her head under the water before surfacing again. Iro slid into the water beside her, taking a drink of his typical fellis-laced klah before taking a bag of sweet sand and running it along the Topaz's back. "Just tell me where it itches, and I'll wash there first." Everywhere, Mine. It itches everywhere, and thus I must be washed everywhere. I must look perfect![/color] Iro simply laughed and began scrubbing her neck.

He had envied the riders for years, but had never realized... his envy hadn't been strong enough. Nothing was better than being bonded to a dragon, especially one as beautiful as his Lion. Yes. I am beautiful.[/color] Iro'ris grinned, wrapping his arms around the dragon's neck in a quick hug before going back to scrubbing. It was getting late... was J'degar going to show, or stand him up?

Do not worry, Iro'risMine. We are working toward perfection. He will come.[/color] Iro frowned. He wasn't so sure... but either way, there was quite a supply of fellis and klah both, to please his friend. ...if he showed up. Iro'ris hoped like hell he would. He missed J'degar's companionship, and as grumpy as the other man was... J'degar was his best friend, and Iro'ris missed him.
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[Zirin]

When J’degar had arrived in his weyr after drills to find a note, he had first considered scrunching it up and throwing it away. It wasn’t that he was actually mad at Iro’ris, in fact he was happy for the man, even if he had ended up on a princess of all things. No, he was avoiding Iro simply because he was avoiding the Weyrling barracks; he wasn’t ready to see Assaila yet.

In fact… he wasn’t even ready to be in his own weyr yet… everything reminded him of her. The double bed, the small collection of her belongings that still remained, and the things she couldn’t take with her to the barracks. It was torture. He had actually spent the previous night in an unused flight weyr for lack of anywhere better to go. J’degar really, she’s just a weyrling everything will be fine. But things weren’t fine. It was just like before. What if she made the same mistakes? What if he let her? You must talk with her Mine… she must be worried.

“I can’t talk to her Syph!” He yelled back, punching the nearest wall and wincing as the stone cut his flesh. Then you must talk to someone! It is not good to bottle yourself up GarMine. No doubt Annaliese is worried about you… J’degar glared at his dragon, knowing the brown was trying to guilt trip him. It was working though, Gar had become much to attached to his little girl to allow himself to upset her. Fine! He would go see Iro. Besides, he needed to make sure the idiot wasn’t getting high. If he was lucky, the man wouldn’t be surrounded by the other weyrlings.

And so it was that J’degar went storming down the halls, and angry scowl on his face, his bathing supplies and a couple skins of hot klah in a bag. There was no way he was letting anything bad happen tonight! He stormed into the bathing caverns and dropped his stuff before realizing he had brought his sharding dragon in with him. That was so like the idiot. Making sure everything he was carrying was now on the ground, J’degar gave a shallow bow to the topaz.

“You’re looking lovely, fine queenling.” It rarely hurt to show your respects after all. He turned to Iro. “You better not be drinking any fellis weyrling. Last thing we need is our new Topaz betweening after seeing your messed up mind.” Though his expression looked angry (it had become perpetually stuck like that since the hatching) there was a joking tone to his voice. Well, he seriously hoped Iro wasn’t drinking pure fellis.. but a little bit in klah was no big deal.

[Elessar]

Iro'ris heard the man before he saw him. He had seen J'degar angry, but this went beyond anything he had ever seen before. Of course, Iro'ris could certainly understand the man's pain. Well, not completely, but he at least had an idea of where J'degar was coming from.

It had happened like this just before... when J'degar had been married. His unbonded wife had Impressed to a green hatchling... and she had died. J'degar must be living those horrible moments over and over and over again in his head. Iro'ris could barely blame the man for being in a temper. Of course, it still hurt, for his friend to be avoiding him, but it made sense.

If it hurt to see his girlfriend Impress, it must have hurt equally as bad to turning around and barely five minutes later have his friend (Iro wished to think "best friend," but he wasn't sure J'degar thought of him that way) Impress, too. And to a Queen, no less! Iro'ris was sure J'degar had wanted to use him as a point of stability... but that had been ripped from him, too.

In truth, Iro'ris wasn't sure how to react when J'degar finally stormed into the bathing caverns, dropping his things angrily on the ground. When he gave a bow to Saekath, the Topaz nodded her head back. I told you he would come, Iro'risMine.

[/color] The Weyrling glanced at his dragon, and then back to his friend. How should he handle this?

He winced as J'degar snapped at him, though Iro detected a hint of a joke beneath the words. "Er..." He mumbled, unwilling to meet his friend's eyes. "It's just fellis-laced klah, Gar, I swear." He held out the mug to his friend to inspect, and Saekath swatted at him with one of her large paws. Don't stop washing me, crazyMine! It itches![/color] Iro hastily set the mug on the edge for Gar to inspect if he wished, and went back to washing.

"When do they stop needing constant attention?" He breathed, shaking his head. With me? Never. We must be perfect, silly crazy Mine. Now wash![/color] Iro only smiled. As demanding as his Lion Queen was, he sure did love her. He couldn't figure out why, except maybe that the "love greater than mine" mentioned in the harper song... really was just that. Greater.

His love for the demanding, vain little Topaz was undying. He had only met her a short while ago, but he knew his love for her ran deeper than any emotion he could ever have for a human. He would die for her. Live for her. Do anything for her. She was his Lion Queen, and together, they would be perfect. That's right. Now finish this part of my tail and go talk to your friend, crazyMine.[/color]
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[Zirin]

J’degar was quick to snatch up the mug and, without a moment of hesitation, drank down the rest. He needed it. In fact, if it wasn’t for drills he would have drunk himself into a stupor by now. Well, no drills tomorrow and he could care less if he couldn’t stumble back to his own weyr. Fate would be kinder to lead him to a nice patch of grass or something. He stripped then, not caring if Iro wanted him in the water or not, and stepped in, sighing at the warmth. He was certainly still a tad sweaty from drills, so he actually had needed a bath.

“Need help?” He grunted, settling into the water. The topaz dragonet was already large despite not being very old at all, and while normally he didn’t believe in helping the weyrligns, he felt he owed Iro for his avoidance these past few days. He actually cracked a brief, brief smile – the first one since the hatching – at the complaint. “Relish it while you can idiot. She won’t be this small for very long.” He reached over for one of the skins he had brought, which contained a considerably larger amount of fellis than what Iro had given him.

“I never congratulated you.” He finally said after a moment, his face taking on a flash of pain. He had been so distraught by Assaila that he had simply been unable to be a proper friend to Iro. “We should celebrate.” His voice was strangled, it was clear he hadn’t gotten proper sleep in days now, but J’degar wanted to be as happy as he could for the old cook.

“Is it what you dreamed of Iro?” He asked again, his eyes taking a glazed look. He could still remember his impression. It was the thing pulling him through this. He sighed.

[Elessar]

Iro'ris blinked as J'degar grabbed the mug. "Really, J'degar, it's only laced kl--" He trailed off, mildly startled that his friend had drained the whole mug in one go. "I was drinking that..." Iro'ris murmured, shaking his head in wonder. He was beginning to get the feeling that his friend was not okay.

The water swirled as the other man stepped in. Iro could see the sweat on his friend's body, but the Weyrling wasn't sure it was just from running drills. He was really beginning to get worried now. It looked like J'degar had run drills until he was about ready to drop, and it now seemed as if he was going to drink himself into oblivion.

As his friend offered to help, Iro'ris shrugged. "I'm almost done," he murmured, running sand along Saekath's tail. The Topaz turned her eyes on J'degar, as if searching his very soul for something she either liked, or disliked. Finally, she turned back to her Bonded. You have a good friend in this one, crazyMine. Forgive him. He has not had an easy life.

[/color] The Topaz gave Iro an affectionate butt with her head.

The Weyrling wrapped his arms around her neck in a hug, leaving her large head pressed against his chest. "I know..." He whispered to her. He couldn't quite get the hang of communicating by thought yet, even though his Lion Queen seemed to know his every thought and feeling. Of course I do, Iro'risMine. Did you think I would not?[/color] The man shook his head and sighed. He hadn't known what he thought.

Iro turned to his friend. "I know," he repeated. "She's got to be ten feet long already." He shook his head again. He hadn't ever expected to Impress, let alone to a Queen. You never Impressed, crazyMine, because you were destined to be mine, and I yours. Now stop fretting over it and talk to your friend. I am going to enjoy this warm water while I can.[/color] The Weyrling couldn't help but smile.

Taking one of his own skins, with a significantly smaller amount of fellis than what was in J'degar's drink, he refilled his mug. Taking a sip, his hand resting lightly on Saekath's back, he shrugged. "You don't need to congratulate me," he muttered, feeling rather awkward and uncomfortable, especially at the flash of pain that crossed J'degar's face. Iro felt a great deal of pity for the man.

"Though... I wouldn't say no to celebrating." He gave a weak smile. J'degar really didn't look or sound well. Go to him, crazyMine.[/color] Iro'ris looked at his precious Lion Queen, then back at J'degar. He had heard terrible tales of Weyrlings being too intimate, and the dragonlings going between. He didn't want that to happen to his beautiful Saekath. Hug him, crazyMine! I will be fine. I am strong, a warrior! Now go to him![/color]

Iro nodded, and waded across the water to envelop his friend in a hug. "It's different than what I dreamed," he whispered. "In my dream, you weren't sad. I'm so sorry, J'degar. I'm so, so sorry." Holding his friend tight, he waited for the man to break. He had obviously been fighting to hold it together, and Iro'ris was giving him the perfect chance to let it all go.
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[Zirin]

Whether or not J’degar heard his friend’s mumbled complain was hard to say, but either way he certainly didn’t respond except to grab up one of skins and set to work on it. He was horribly disheveled, that much was obvious, and from the bags under his eyes and faint shake to his hands it was clear the man was running on klah more than sleep. He couldn’t sleep, not right now. Every time he closed his eyes he could see his late wife, the fear in her eyes right before she had gone between forever.

The brownrider took a deep breath and tried to relax against the edge of the bath, trying to cheer himself up watching Iro’ris work on his lady’s hide. The fact Iro was speaking out loud did cheer him mildly, as it was always amusing to watch the weyrlings for the first few days, seeing them learn how to use their new bond. When the topaz turned to look at him, J’degar gave a brief nod of his head in her direction and basically stared back, checking her muscles and her build, used to looking over the weyrlings.

“Smile idiot. You’re a weyrling now. To our newest Weyrwoman,” He lifted his skin in a mock toast, positive the ex-cook’s lackluster mood was his fault. He wasn’t expecting to have the man throw himself at him. At first blinking in surprise, J’degar merely tensed, staying silent as Iro whispered to him. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.” He finally said, sounding calmer than he felt. Without a doubt the topazweyrling could feel the shake of his body as Gar tried to remain firm. “You should be happy, excited. I should be too, for you… and her…” His words sounded more pained with every word and finally J’degar buried his face in Iro’ris’s shoulder, his arms wrapping around the thinner man’s form.

He wouldn’t cry, he couldn’t. But he couldn’t stay strong, it was too soon. “I want to be happy for you, both of you,” He mumbled, “But I can’t, not yet… I can’t do it again Iro…” His grip tightened slightly as he fell silent. GarMine’s friend… thank you. Syphraelth voice was a tired whisper in Iro’s mind.

[Elessar]

No response. Something was definitely wrong. Iro'ris just didn't know how to fix it! Shards, what was he going to do? How could he let his best friend go through his past again? He had to find some way to keep the past from repeating itself. Saekath nudged him, feeling his fear, and Iro gently stroaked the dragoness, trying to calm himself.

J'degar was a mess. He obviously hadn't slept, judging from the bags under his eyes and the shake of his hands. Iro'ris could understand how he wouldn't be able to find sleep at this troubled time. The man briefly wondered if J'degar had even spoken to Assaila. The ex-cook decided that he most likely had not.

However, the man seemed slightly cheered to see Iro'ris speaking out loud. Shards. need to break that habit, he thought to himself. Why, crazyMine? If it cheers your friend and makes it easier for you, speak all you wish... though you don't need to. We hear all of your thoughts.

[/color] Iro flinch. Geeze, that was creepy.

"Weyrwoman?!" He suddenly exclaimed. "Oh, no. I'm no leader!" No way. He was not going to become Junior Weyrwo-- Weyrleader of Trelis Weyr. No sharding way! CrazyMine! You must. We must be perfect, and thus you must cease being afraid and take up the mantle of leadership! I am a Queen, and we must rule! Thus, you must rule. yes, you. CrazyMine.[/color] The last words were affectionate and loving.

Iro'ris hung his head. "I'm sorry for Assaila," he murmured, feeling the shaking of J'degar's body. "I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for everything." His friend sounded calm, but looked anything but. In fact... he looked rather insane at the moment, which was what worried Iro'ris the most. J'degar was normally the calmest man he knew. Seeing him upset was... unsettling, to say the least.

"I am happy," He replied. "But I'd be happier if you were happy, too. I won't let it happen to her, J'degar. I don't know how, but I won't let it." Iro'ris was rather startled when J'degar buried his face in his shoulder, his arms wrapping around him. The Weyrling stood like stone, holding his friend in his strong arms. He wouldn't let it happen. Even with his feelings for J'degar, he would not let it happen again. He would do anything to protect his friend.

Iro'ris gently stroked the older, taller man's head, hugging him tightly. "I know, Gar. I know." J'degar trailed off, but his grip tightened around Iro's slim body. The Weyrling nerly jumped out of his skin as another dragon entered his mind. This was so unsettling! Calm down, crazyMine. It is J'degar's Syphraelth thanking you.[/color] The knowledge that it was Syphraelth calmed Iro's racing heart. You're welcome. He thought back silently.
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[Zirin]

“I can’t say I’m particularly fond of having to take orders from you,” J’degar grumbled back, his tone half teasing. Hopefully, between the current leaders and the weyrlingmasters they’d manage to get into shape on how to lead. Well, on the bright side he couldn’t possibly be any worse than the current Weyrwomen, right? He sighed into Iro’s neck, taking a strange sort of comfort from the way the weyrling was stroking his head.

“Look you.” J’degar finally pulled away from the embrace to clap his hands on Iro’ris’ shoulders, a stern look on his face once more. “You’re a weyrling now. Your dragoness is the most important thing to you now. I won’t have you messing up because you’re too focused on Assaila.” He slumped back against the edge of the bath, letting his head roll back as he took another deep breath. He would need to go see her soon. He couldn’t keep avoiding her… she was an emotional woman and it could very well be affecting her dragonet.

“Just promise me you’ll lookout for your topaz and yourself first. I don’t want to have to worry about you as well. And no more fellis while you’re training.” He was trying to hide his emotions behind his job, it was the only thing J’degar knew how to do. It had worked for him the first time; his determination to hide his sorrows through work had earned him a spot as wingthird, and now he would do the same. Well, and drown himself in fellis until he felt better. He reached for his klah skin and worked on downing it without much thought.

[Elessar]

Orders? He would be giving orders? Oh, shards... he really wasn't one to give orders... I am a Queen! Queens give orders! You, as crazyMine, must learn to also give orders! Silly crazyMine.

[/color] Saekath shook her head violently, like a horse that didn't want to be ridden.

Iro'ris simply stood hugging J'degar, his thoughts whirling. Why did he have to lead, and give orders? Because you are crazyMine and I am a Queen![/color] Iro let his eyes close. What about J'dol and Iirla? Couldn't they give orders? Saekath snorted, her tail lashing, stirring the waters. You WILL lead, Iro'risMine! I will make it so![/color]

Okay then. Looks like he couldn't get out of it... His eyes had gone sort of glassy while speaking with Saekath, and he winced and gasped when J'degar clapped his hands on his shoulders. "Gar!" Iro wheezed, grabbing his right arm. "Broken arm!" Blinking rapidly to stop his eyes from watering, he turned to J'degar. Iro didn't like the stern look on his face.

"Yeah, I'm a Weyrling, but I'm also your best friend. Or at least a friend, I hope. That means I've got to look out for you, and that means looking out for Assaila." He gave a sharp nod, and cast and glance at Saekath. "She's a Queen, which kind of makes me a King. And what would a King be if he didn't look out for his subjects?" He gave a weak grin. Nicely phrased, occasionally notcrazyMine.[/color] Iro grimaced.

However, Iro'ris was rather glad when J'degar stepped back and leaned against the edge of the bath. It meant the man had let go of his shoulder. Rolling it experimentally, he clutched his arm to his stomach. Iro knew he'd catch it from the healers later for unwrapping it, but how was he supposed to take a bath with that horrible brace on?

"Don't worry about it, J'degar. Saekath is the first one I'll be looking out for. She's precious to me... as I'm sure you understand." Of course J'degar would understand. He had a dragon, after all. Yes. A very handsome brown. Syphraelth.[/color] Iro'ris turned to his topaz in surprise. "I'm well aware of what his dragon's name is," he told her.

Turning back to J'degar, he sighed and looked at the ceiling. "I really need to stop that," he said, a faint blush tinging his cheeks. "As for training, it'll just be fellis laced klah, I swear." The man nodded, watching his friend down his own more-fellis-than-klah from his klah skin.

Iro'ris was worried. He could see that his friend was putting on his Weyrlingmaster face, and was hiding his emotions behind it. That really wouldn't do, but Iro had no idea how to fix it. Gar... wasn't exactly the kind of man who opened up and spilled his feelings... Shards. Give him time, crazyMine. You might be surprised.[/color] Iro sighed. Fat chance.
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[Zirin]

“And as a best friend I won’t have you putting yourself at risk because I’m having a moment of… weakness.” J’degar shot back after giving an apologetic glance for hurting the man. “Faranth I might transfer out of here if you start calling yourself a king,” He teased, trying to remove the awkward sorrow he was feeling. If he covered it with jokes and teasing they would both be better off for it. J’degar chuckled as Iro failed to keep his conversation in his head again.

“Don’t worry too much about it, silent conversations are something that come with time. That said, if I find out you’re drinking fellis in the mornings I’ll hunt you down and work you until you’re too tired to lift the mug.” He gave Iro’ris a serious look, worry evident in his eyes. “She may be a queen but she’s still just a child… the clearer you keep your mind the better.”

It was easier to pretend things were alright when he focused on his duties as a weyrlingmaster. As selfish as it was, J’degar was using Iro’s obsession as a way to ground himself, to keep him focused on what was important instead of what had happened in the past. Of course the high amount of fellis in his klah was certainly helping him relax.

“Syphraelth will keep an eye on you and her for me you know… I have to talk to her soon…”

[Elessar]

Iro'ris felt his heart stop momentarily. J'degar had called him, Iro, his best friend! Joy sky-rocketed through the Weyrling's body like lightning, making him quiver in the very spot that he stood. Best friend! How wonderful! J'degar actually cared about him!

The apologetic glance was noted, but ignored. It didn't really matter any more, since Gar had backed off. Besides, whether or not J'degar was patting his shoulder or not, the broken arm was still causing Iro'ris a great deal of pain, which he was trying to block out with his fellis-laced klah.

Iro glared as J'degar tried to joke. He wasn't letting himself feel! He was blocking everything behind his job and his jokes and teasing! Iro'ris knew from experience that it simply didn't work that way. J'degar needed to let himself feel the pain, so he could grow past it. Otherwise, it would simply envelop him, swamp him, and Gar would have no chance.

"Well, time needs to speed up," Iro'ris replied. "And as I said twice now, it'll only be fellis laced klah, light on the fellis, heavy on the klah. Which is the exact opposite of what you're drinking right now, if I'm smelling things right." He ignored the threat of the work. "My mind will be fine."

Iro nodded slowly, his eyes locked on an interesting, oddly shaped stone on the edge of the bathing pool instead of on J'degar. He knew full well Syphraelth would keep an eye on everyone, under J'degar's direction. Blinking, Iro wrenched his gaze back to his friend, his blue eyes serious.

"What... what if you didn't have to talk to her?" He asked quietly. "What if you didn't have to talk to her because... because she's not the one for you? Not... who you're destined to be with?" He kept his eyes locked on J'degar's, his heart beating uncomfortably and dangerously fast in his chest.

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[Zirin]

“Leave a grumpy old man to his simple pleasures,” J’degar grumbled, chugging down more of his more-fellis-than-klah drink. It tasted good, it was helping him feel good, and right now that was all that mattered. Besides, while it was strong, his drink still had nothing on the strength of pure fellis, so while there was a subtle sluggishness to his movements, he wasn’t going to lose control of himself like he had the last time he had been in the baths with Iro.

He needed it. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. He needed the fellis to help dull the pain of his thoughts and memories. Who knew, after all these turns, that it would still hurt this much? He knew it wasn’t fair to be blaming Assaila for this… she hadn’t done anything to attract the dragon; she had been there to support his son. In the end, it was J’degar’s fault that the green had found her lifemate. It had been his fault back then too though, hadn’t it? Iro managed to pull him briefly from his train of thought with a question that caused J’degar to narrow his eyes.

Assaila wasn’t the one for him? Was he implying something? J’degar maintained eye contact easily, at first showing nothing but thoughtfulness. All too quickly they changed, filling his thoughtful gaze with an unimaginable loneliness.

“The one I was destined to be with left the world long ago, Iro’ris. I swore I’d never move on, that I’d never let anyone take her place.” He shifted, though his eyes remained locked on Iro’s even as a rare tear managed to slide from his eyes. His voice became more hoarse as he spoke. “And yet I broke that promise…” He had broken his promise, and now he was paying the price.