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Post by Zirin on Apr 18, 2012 17:41:10 GMT -4
"Ara..." J'dol's voice showed how much Avirith's words had hurt. "We've had our rocky bits but... I thought we'd always been honest with eachother..." While Avirith didn't like him, the green was one of his favourite dragons right at that moment. How glad he was she would stand against her rider in times of need. So many others would simply give in and take the woman between. He glanced guiltily at the wine, having forgotten a pregnant woman shouldn't be drinking the stuff.
"I can.. call for juice?" He asked uncertainly, her frown not going unnoticed. He had feared as much, but this was a big changing point in his life... and shard it all he didn't really know how to deal with it aside from drinking himself into a stupor and hoping everything fixed itself. That never worked though... just added a headache to the entire deal. Regardless, he downed quite a bit of the skin before looking back at Ara and, after a moment, moving to sit next to her.
"I... don't know." He said sadly, wishing he could give her an epic speech about how excited he could be for a baby... but he had nothing. "I don't know what's me and what's Kayath... I can't answer that right now Ara... I wish I could." He knew the answer wouldn't please her, but he'd rather tell the honest truth then try to sort out what exactly he WAS feeling. Just in case he was wrong a few days down the road. "It doesn't matter.." He mumbled, looking away from her, "You practically live here. I just thought that would make us... you know..." He couldn't say it again, afraid she was just waiting to reject it.
He smiled softly at Bayi's antics. The little blue wasn't very old but had already become as... in your face as Spazz was, though for different reasons. Really, he had a knack for crazy blues. With a sigh, he thought maybe Bayi had the right idea. He leaned over and rested his head on Ara's lap. "Between you and Kayath I think I might explode...."
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Post by Wish on Apr 18, 2012 18:14:34 GMT -4
The moment she heard his voice turn hurt, she knew she had made a huge mistake. Apparently it was her turn to be the royal screw up. "I'm sorry.....it was just an idea. I probably would just get there and not be able to go through with it. I just, I didn't want you to feel bad if you were so against it." She blushed again as he realized, or perhaps just assumed, that she had been scolding him. Of course, the means was not right and she gave a little laugh. "No, I'm not mad for you drinking something J'dol, I don't blame you. I wish I could right now too.....it'll probably help you relax some."
Her head nodded absently as he talked more, and the truth was he was right. "I'm sorry, you're right J'dol...I shouldn't be pressing for an answer now. I'm just...I'm as scared as you are I guess. I don't want to lose everything we had been working toward just because of this one...mistake." She grew very quiet on the last word, her hand spreading across her abdomen before running through her hair. The young woman tried for a little soft smile, sighing slightly and shaking her head. "I thought that it was more commitment than you wanted...that's why I never brought it up before I guess. Though now, this is probably scarier than the idea of my being your...well, you know."
A small flush crept along her cheeks as he settled his head in her lap, and she took one hand from the blue flit to run it gently through his hair. "Don't worry, you'll be fine. My timing just sucks, I didn't want to tell you because of that...I didn't want you to have to worry, just slip away and come back and have it all over and done with. I guess Avirith knows me better than that though." She looked for a moment at the Green before bending over and kissing his temple with the slightest of touches. "You know," she whispered quietly near his ear, her hands playing with the slight curls at the base of his neck. "You know, just because we have a kid doesn't mean that you're...well that you have to be....people have kids without it meaning that all the time...it's just....I mean, it doesn't mean that you have to....with me...."
She tried finding a way around it, desperate to not admit it out loud, finally though she took a deep breath and just said it. "Just because we have a kid, it doesn't mean that you're bonded to me for the rest of your life...if things don't work out, things don't work out, it doesn't make you a bad person. You're not your mother, you're charming and gentle and considerate and have been a better boyfriend than I have deserved at times, as I with you. That's a relationship for you my love, and this is just a little bump we have to get over...okay maybe a big bump, but you understand. Besides...." She quieted now, a sad look in her eyes. "It's my first....I don't even know if I'll be able to carry to term."
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Post by Zirin on Apr 19, 2012 0:33:39 GMT -4
"That's what I'm hoping..." J'dol joked. It was true, the wine was already helping him relax, as it had so many times before during the more stressful days of work. Not that he was dependant on alcohol, he just simply found it to be quite helpful some days. "We... Ara... I hate my mother for abandoning my father because of me... I'm not about to do the same to you." He was stern, hurt almost that she would believe he would abandon her like that... though he supposed he deserved it. His reputation didn't exactly envoke confidence.
J'dol nuzzled into her lap as she began playing with his hair, surprised at how relaxing the feeling was. "You would have done a wonderful job of sneaking no doubt." He joked, once again hoping to keep the mood light until he could sort out his feelings. He did grimace at her next words though. Wouldn't abandoning her be the same as his own mother? He supposed if such a thing happened he could still be part of the child's life but... would it be right? Or would the kid hate him...
He moved a hand to squeeze her leg in reassurance, unable to find the words to promise he'd be there. He... just couldn't yet. He wanted to be (At least he thought he did) but that was yet another step on the commitment ladder that he wasn't ready to take yet... though Faranth knew his decision would need to come soon if a kid was involved...
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Post by Wish on Apr 19, 2012 16:02:54 GMT -4
Her hand was now absentmindedly rubbing his head, curling in his hair. It wasn't something she had to think about, in fact these things never were. Any time J'dol was around her hand was somewhere; whether it be rubbing his head like now, or massaging the tense muscles in his shoulders. She loved him, so very much, and he probably didn't know just how much that was. When his hand squeezed her leg gently, she closed her eyes, forcing herself to just stay calm.
When they finally opened again, it was because Bayi had chirped unhappily. Her grip on his body had loosened, and she removed her hand from the Topazrider's head to settle the blue against her again, rubbing the firelizard's cheek gently. She received a pleased croon, followed by an unhappy squawk when she returned the moved hand to its place in his dark hair. What will it look like....his dark hair, mine too, no doubt it'll have the same. The eye color will be interesting, and hopefully they'll never have to worry about being as pale as me, they might get his tanned skin.
It was idle chit-chat, but it was something she wished she could talk to him about. She wanted to talk about what it might look like, think about possible names. Not only was he not ready for that though, but it was probably too soon to know it would stay for certain. Then again, what did she know about giving birth or carrying young? Well, human young. A shiver trailed down her spine despite her wanting to keep it away, and her eyes widened in worry that he would do something in response. I feel like I'm stepping on egg-shards Avi...what do I do?
Do something he enjoys? I don't think that will work right now Avi...but maybe something else... "Hey, I bet you ten marks that the pink egg has a Bronze in it."
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Post by Zirin on Apr 19, 2012 19:57:10 GMT -4
While Ara was contemplating the appearance of their... their kid, J'dol was still fretting about how he was going to survive this. There was so much he didn't know, so much he wasn't ready for. He could feel kayath scoffing at him in the back of his mind. She was doing just fine with her kids, why couldn't he just suck it up and get on with it? He felt her shiver, and immediately shot up.
"What's wrong?" There was a shocking amount of worry in his eyes, a conbination of thinking he was doing things wrong, and worry that she had somehow gotten hurt. How she could have gotten hurt he had no idea, but either way, he was too tense not to be worried. She seemed to be okay though, perhaps the idea had just come so suddenly that it had been a subconscious movement?
"Bronze huh... I'll raise you fifteen for garnet. Don't tell her that, she's positive her entire clutch will be bronzes." He sat up, his eyes searching. Did she want to change topics for his sake, or for her own? He reached out to cup her cheek and give her a soft, sweet kiss if she didn't move away. The would figure out what to do. Maybe not today, but sometime in the future.
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Post by Wish on Apr 19, 2012 21:33:12 GMT -4
She continued to ignore is question on what was wrong. She couldn't tell him that, she just couldn't. There was no way that she was telling him that! Avirith snorted, rolling her wings as she curled up on Kayath's bed. And what would that be love? "That I have no sharding clue what I'm doing here with this....and shells I just said that out loud." Her face grew hot as she ducked her head, hating that she had been so foolish as to not only think her thoughts but not notice Avirith had spoken aloud again. It was just so common for them to speak in this way.
Quickly she scrambled to change the subject, answering her answer about the bet. "You're right it will be a Sub-King.....but a Brown, I'll raise you twenty marks.....and." Here she paused and her lips curved into a devious smirk. "And you get me another flit egg." She giggled slightly when Avirith snorted and flicked her tail. Lovely, more to deal with. I don't see how you put up with them. They're terrible. "They're no worse than dragonets that are young and in training and you love those. I'd think you were a Gold with how you act with them Avi."
Theyre still annoying. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but someone else can have them please and thank you Kayath.
{Sorry it's so short >.<}
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Post by Zirin on Apr 21, 2012 20:28:17 GMT -4
J'dol chuckled softly as she admitted what was on her mind. That she was truly as unprepared as he was definately helped him feel a little better, as selfish as the thought was. He wished he could say something comforting but, he really didn't really know what he was supposed to say.
"Oy, have you ever gambled before? You can't just change your bet like that. Bet on a different egg!" He paused in thought for a moment as she rambled about getting another flit and rolled his eyes. "My weyr isn't a zoo Ara... how many of those do you need?" Nonetheless, he didn't truly deny the idea of getting her an egg if she was right... he just wouldn't do it for that particular egg. "Gamble on all the eggs, and if you get more right then me I'll find you another egg. Now let's see... that silvery egg... I think it'll be a little amethyst."
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Post by Wish on Apr 22, 2012 16:05:35 GMT -4
She giggled as he started to relax more and more, hugging him gently, briefly. "No, I don't often gamble, in fact this may just be the first time." Her cheeks grew warm however as he berated her gently. "I know it's not...I was only joking J'dol. Am I not aloud to tease you anymore?" Her voice was quiet, and yet not hurt...well, not much. When he went on however she brightened somewhat, though it was more of just him continuing a conversation with her than anything else.
"Well, I bet the silver is a green. The tan one, the one with black marks. That's an amethyst. The large one I suppose I have to go with Bronze now. The second largest I vote for Blue...and the middle Ebony." She listed them off, using a mix of random choosing and partial thought to choose her selection. "What about you? What would you want if you guessed more?" She moved over to him, slowly, hesitantly. Just as hesitantly she leaned against his body, wanting the comfort of his heart beat against her skin. "I'm sorry you had to find out now...like that. I do feel better now though...now that you know...I don't feel like I have to do whatever it is that we end up doing alone."
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Post by Zirin on Apr 24, 2012 22:37:58 GMT -4
He had nothing to say. He was alright with her joking around, but from her slowly growing flit collection it hadn't sounded like a joke. Not to mention, despite the fact he was making bets and appearing relaxed, his insides were still twisting with panic and fear. He was on edge, there wasn't much he could do about it. He sighed as she followed through with his game though, and forced a smile.
"You have to put your bet down on each too, Ara. I'll put 5 on each. Let's see..." He trailed off, scratchign at his chin and noticing for the first time in days that he wasn't as clean-shaven as he normally was. That was going to drive him crazy. "That silver is any amethyst I think. The tan one's gotta be an ebony. The second largest is brown, hands down. The middle one is blue I think... and the other's gotta be green." He spoke confidently, ignoring Kayath's mental protests that her clutch was entirely bronze. He instinctively wrapped an arm around Ara, his hand moving to rest on her hip without a second though.
"I suppose it's safe to say you sure know how to deliver news with a bang," He teased, still entirely uncomfortable with the very topic. How was he going to survive the next however many months?! "Sooo what happens now? I... suppose you'll be wanting transfer to Sunset Wing?"
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Post by Wish on Apr 26, 2012 8:33:17 GMT -4
To tell the truth she hadn't even considered the fact that she would have to transfer wings. Forget the idea of betting or anything else, Ara was entirely focused on that bit of information. Switching....she would have to.....but that meant she wouldn't be able to teach the Weyrling class either. Her teeth chewed at the inside of her cheek, her hands gripping him a little bit tighter. What am I doing........... The more she talked to him the more she became confused. Sighing as his arms tightened around her she let herself relax again against his side before finally wiggling away and curling up on her side against a pillow.
"I'll match the five marks, that's good right?" Her voice was deadpan in tone though, her mind wandering to other things. She didn't want to talk about transfers she really didn't. Surely it was the best thing, she was in a sort of Wing limbo anyway, but it didn't make it any easier. A hand curled around her hip, rising and falling with the deep breath she took. Avi........what do you think I should say? The green wasn't much help though. Instead, she just looked up at the two riders and tilted her head, crooning softly as the two flits popped in from wherever they had been.
The funny thing was that she hadn't even known they had left. A blue streak appeared over her head before landing on one side, a golden glint appearing on the other as Aries wrapped herself around Ara's head and hissed at J'dol. Hers! Orange streaked eyes whirled at the young man, and the young male on her other side simply blinked and yawned. "Stop that..." Reaching above her head she pulled the little Queen down and curled up around her, rubbing under the Gold's chin. "So needy lately."
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Post by Zirin on Apr 28, 2012 21:48:27 GMT -4
He had thought mentioning the transfer would make her happy, show he cared or something. He hadn't expected her to become so... lifeless from it. Especially since her reasons for it were paltry at best; she would still be an active rider and weyrlingmaster until the pregnancy was far enough along to interfere with her teaching. The transfer to queen's wing had simply been because Sunset rarely, if ever, betweened. Why had she gotten so upset by it? Why wasn't he any good at this?! J'dol ran a hand through his hair tiredly, not knowing what to do now.
He could feel himself becoming frustrated; at himself for being sucha clueless idiot, at Kayath for her insessant nagging, at Ara for sending mixed signals about absolutely everything. The return of her two flits, or rather, Aries, was the last straw. He leveled a glare at the gold, sick and tired of needy females.
"Flap off Aries." He hissed, a shocking amount of venom in his voice as he stood and moved back to where the wine skin was. One hand clenched at his side, he grabbed up the skin and took a good drink from it, downing most, if not all, of what remained in the skin.
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Post by Wish on Apr 30, 2012 8:21:36 GMT -4
She hadn't expected him to yell, she really hadn't expected that. Her eyes widened in response and her hand held onto the hissing Queen. Aries on the other hand was not taken aback so much. No one yelled at her! Not even Hers yelled at her! A low hiss escaped her jaws again as her tongue snaked out again and her eyes whirled a dangerous red and orange. "Calm down Aries. You're fine." Her voice was quiet but steady and green eyes looked at the Topazrider amazed.
Jdol wasn't one to break down, he really wasn't, at least from what she had seen. Pulling the Firelizard from her lap she set the Gold on the furs and walked a step or two toward him. "As for you, if you have something to say say it! Don't just take it out on her. I'm sorry that you had to learn this now, but your life isn't going to change. In fact you could walk away right now and never even think about it. You think you have problems? My whole life is about to change whether I go between or not. So save me the angst J'dol, I'm not in the mood for it."
She gritted her teeth, her eyes flashing defiantly in the light of the glows. By her side her hands clenched into fists and she shook her head as she stopped talking. Avirith echoed her anger and confusion keening while hissing, her tail lashing behind her as she crouched low and glared at the other rider.
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Post by Zirin on Apr 30, 2012 9:04:31 GMT -4
He was tense, tense and angry... and above all guilty. He knew he shouldn't have snapped. He had regretted it instantly. It was all just getting to him. The stress that had been piling up since he had become a Weyrwoman, the problems Sevrin and his lackies had caused, his dragon being an angry mother, now Ara... the last thing he needed was her sharding gold flit hissing at him for not getting the attention she thought she needed.
He was breathing heavily, his eyes on the almost empty wineskin, his hand clenching and unclenching at his side as he tried to reign in everything he was feeling. She wasn't even going to let him do that was she? Didn't Ara understand that this was hard on him? Why couldn't she just let him have a moment to sort things out! As she started berating him, his hand clenched tighter and he whipped around to yell right back. Of course her ramble hit a sore spot, and the look in his eyes quickly changed from annoyance to pure hurt.
His first instinct was to yell at her to get out. To get out and give him the time he needed to calm down. It would be a mistake though, and he knew it. He couldn't just calm down and let her words slide. He was much too worked up for that. Sure, he shouldn't have snapped at Aries, but the gold deserved it in his opinion; she was being a downright twat!
"My life isn't going to change?" His eyes narrowed dangerously, and if she looked closely she might notice he was fighting every urge to simply turn and leave. His voice dropped in volume. "Ara, my life hasn't stopped changing since I met you. It's still changing because of you, for you, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it. It doesn't matter that I'm willing to change everything to be with you, does it?! I'm just the stupid man who's going to leave you at the drop of a hat!" His hands, which at some had made their way to the air to help express his frustration, dropped to his sides, defeated.
"I'm not my mother Ara. I won't abandon my family." His voice was more hurt than anything now. He had thought she understood at least that much about him. He turned away from her, stepping past Avirith to stand at the entrance to the ledge, his eyes raking over Kayath's form. He could feel her own stress, could see the worry whirling in her eyes. He sighed, mumbling sadly to himself, "I'm not my mother..."
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Post by Wish on Apr 30, 2012 13:02:50 GMT -4
There was nothing but silence after he yelled back, and she forced her eyes closed and to breath slowly. In. Out. In.....how did she breath again? How did she....right, out. Little by little she felt the fear and frustration leave her and all that was left was a terrible aching. Maybe the feeling she had had before was better than this. No. It was not. By the time her eyes opened again she found that he had gone, and a pain gripped at her chest as her heart beat rapidly.
Had he left? No...no, he was right there not far off. Everything was fine, at least in that sense. He hadn't left her...yet. She was making mistake after mistake here though, and more than anything she just wanted to hold him against her. Fingers twitched with the phantom feeling of wrapping around his shoulders, and her breathing was fragile at best.
Leave him for a bit, go talk to Rhoanth'sOwn. Ara opened her mouth to protest but with Avirith blocking the way to the cavern she finally gave up and walked out the door, which left the Green to deal with the Topazrider. She doesn't mean to offend, she's scared, just like you. Take this time to calm down, and talk to me if you wish. She will be back soon, Rhoanth'sOwn will not keep her forever, I won't let her.
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Post by Zirin on Apr 30, 2012 16:40:22 GMT -4
He hadn't yelled, by any meaning of the word. Sure, his voice had been a tad louder and more forceful than she was used to, but she hadn't seen him truly yell yet. He was frustrated, stressed, scared... could she blame him for getting hurt but the utter lack of trust she had placed in him? He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he heard Ara leave. He had messed up royally... He glanced at Avirith as the green stuck around. He supposed that was a mildly comforting sign, at least. She was willing to speak with him? There was much he wanted to say!
He could rant about how annoying she was being, how scared he was of this, of everything. He could ramble on and on about how unready he was for this, but how he'd suck it up for the sake of the child. He could complain about how hurt he was that she thought he would abandon the kid. He could...
"I love her, Avirith..." Was all he said, his shoulders drooping in defeat. "So why can't I do anything right..."
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