Back to the Beginning? {Zero/Vl'kan}

[Bellatora]

Iirla stood in front of Vl'kan's door, her eyes on the ground, her hands at her sides and her black hair pulled over one shoulder. She wouldn't blame him if he hated her still... she wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to have to see her again. She wouldn't blame him if he was angry with her... but she needed to try to talk with him. There was nothing she could say that would really make it better.

There was nothing she could do to make it up to him. She still stood there for several long minutes. Then she knocked gently. "Vl'kan...?" she said, though her voice was hardly audible. She doubted that he would hear her... so... she knocked again. She was scared... She knew she had upset him... that she had hurt him.

Faranth. What was she supposed to say... supposed to do... She had to make things right somehow, but the thing was.... she had no idea how to.

Izanycorth huffed. Really mine... if he loved you, do you tihnk he would never forgive you. She didn't see the problem. Quite honestly.

[Zero]

You missed a spot. Thormyth growled and moved to reveal the dry, itchy patch under his right wing. Sighing, Vl'kan snatched up the previously discarded rag and went to work oiling the dry patch of hide before standing back to look over the large dragon. "Anywhere else?" The garnet rumbled and flexed his claws against the stone floor of his weyr, seemingly satisfied for the time being.

Leaving the garnet to curl up on his stone couch or lay out on his ledge, Vl'kan wandered back into his own room to clean himself up and change his clothes, oiling a dragon was fairly dirty work after all. He had been keeping himself as busy as possible the past few days, he had intensified his training regime three-fold, had volunteered to join more flight sweeps and night runs, basically anything to keep his mind from wandering. He was mentally and physically exhausted.

The first knock was too soft for him to bother to take notice of so he continued to rummage through a drawer in his quest for a clean shirt. The second knock however, was a little louder and caught his attention. Giving up the search for a shirt the Istan moved, half dressed, to his door and pulled it open. "Iirla..." Her name left his lips in a surprised hush of a whisper. Well now, this was awkward.

[/font]

[Bellatora]

Iirla had almost hoped he wouldn't open the door. She looked up at him, her expression far away and rather closed, as if she was waiting for him to hurt her. She wanted him to hurt her. Because she was still beating herself up on the inside... and she wanted him to tell her that she was the stupid woman she thought she was right now... or... to tell her that he forgave her ... but she still didn't understand how he could. "I'm sorry... I seem destined to hurt everyone..." she sighed and turned as if to leave. She didn't htink there was naything he would want to say to her... if there was, it would probably be something harsh and painful... She wanted him to say it... wanted him to be honest with her... She wanted forgiveness... adn yet she did not expect it. She didn't know what to say or do now...

She touched her stomach where his child was growing... their child. They were no good ways she supposed... not really. She sighed. She looked back at him. sHe was so quiet. She was entirely unsure of what to do....

She sighed softly. She just waited patiently to hear him say something... anything... other than her name...

[Zero]

That...that was it? That was the big grand apology? They hadn't spoken nor seen each other in days and...that was all she had to say to him? After everything that was all she could muster? A look of sheer disbelief passed over his face before he quickly dismissed it and his features hardened.

Well what was he supposed to say to that? Was he supposed to wrap her in his arms and tell her it's okay, because it wasn't. Nothing was close to being okay right now. Standing silently in the doorway Vl'kan sighed and rubbed at his face as a threatening growl from the garnet inside could be heard in the background, the dragon mimicking his riders feelings.

They had already gone through this once before, turns ago when they had first met and she had been caught up with that same stupid bronzer. They had got passed it then but now...well now wasn't so clear. The Istan watched as she walked a few paces away before stopping to glance back at him and now it was his turn to advert his eyes. "You should have told me you still loved him..."

[/font]

[Bellatora]

She turned back to him and looked at him in surprise. "How..." she was quiet then. "I... just... I never wanted to hurt you. But I'm incapable of not. I can't expect any forgiveness... I don't deserve it." Her tone was hollow, dead. As if she was holding everything back. And she was. "What would you have done if I had told you...? It seems wrong for a woman to have love for two men. And impossible. Why would you ever accept it? Why should it even happen..." She sighed and leaned against the nearby wall. She was tired and she wasn't sure how to deal with this. There was a rift between them right now and she wasn't sure if they could work through it. Nothing was clear.

"Words can't eve be good enough... How can they...? What should I say, Vl'kan... that would actually be adequate...?" She felt such guilt. She wanted to do what was best for both of them... but especially for him... if she kept hurting him, if she couldn't support him like he supported her... maybe it was better if they didn't figure out how to get back together... but... she didn't want to end it like this... she didn't really want to have this be an ending between them either. She loved him... and S'bel. She felt a frustration and tension inside of her. "I need to make a choice, don't I?"

She looked down at the ground again.

[Zero]

"What would I have done?" He repeated, staring at her almost dumbstruck. "Well for starters I wouldn't have let my heart get dragged into this mess again. I would have walked away then and there." Shaking his head Vl'kan folded his arms across his chest and dropped his gaze back to the floor. "I wouldn't have allowed myself to be such a fool."

In a sudden spike of anger and frustration, Vl'kan put everything he was feeling into a swift punch to his doorframe and hardly flinching as the rough stone tore into his knuckles. "Dammit Iirla! I don't care about flights, it's something we can't always control. But you sought him out during another dragon's flight, a flight you had no business being at!"

Scowling he disappeared into his room momentarily when he returned he had tugged on a red tunic and wrapped his bleeding hand in a bit of cloth. "You can't tell me you love me then turn around and tell that dimglow the same thing. Stop lying to me already! You need to choose..."

[/font]

[Bellatora]

She still wasn't quite crying. It was more like... she just couldn't believe this was happening... again. She had thought she had put it all behind her back then... Back when she first chose Vl'kan over everyone else. She winced. "I know... but... to that point... it's hard to tell you something... that you don't really realize at the time..." she sighed softly.

She turned to look at him, concern for his bleeding hand evident on her face. "I only went because Izanycorth was threatening to return... She didn't like that Maerath was chasing... she threatened to come back if I didn't go... and she was going to come back and shed blood. I didn't want to risk losing her... I sought him out because Izanycorth wants a claim on Maerath. Because she doesn't want him to chase another female... I was trying to protect her and Kayath... And I screwed up. Big time. She would have come for sure if Thormyth or Braymoth had shown any real interest in chasing her... But... it still doesn't matter. Because I still wronged you. I shouldn't have gone there... I screwed up. I'm sorry." She sighed. She wouldn't and couldn't use Izanycorth as a scapegoat. "You know, though... anyways..." She sighed and looked back at the floor. She had told S'bel.... that she still loved him. Faranth. She was a fool... and... a harlot it seemed... Only... she didn't take money. She took affection. Which was really not the most reliable thing to depend on...

She looked at him seriously. She did have to choose. She bit her lip. she couldn't just... choose and leave it as that... "Could you even forgive me if I did choose you, Vl'kan...? Could you ever forget? I've hurt you more times than have a right to be forgiven..." She sighed and leaned against the wall again. This child... their child. Would that end up beign all they had together in the end... or would they be more...

Stop quibbling about it the both of you! Enjoy each other while it lasts. I am going to choose and soon. The dragoness had truly become nasty the closer she had drawn to her flight... Iirla frowned. "Shut up Izanycorth!" she said aloud in an irritated shout.

[Zero]

Vl'kan sighed lowly and found himself massaging his temple with his unbandaged hand. He tried, really tried, listening to her reasoning for being there that night but when it came for him to speak there was...nothing. She was a fool, that was certain. A fool for not realizing that no matter what he was always going to love her, even through this. Even when the time came and he watched her walk into that bastards arms.

The prior frustration and anger that had consumed him was slowly fading to be replaced by the sadness and depression he had been holding back. His green gaze fell to the floor and he slumped back against the doorframe for support, all with a quiet shake of his head. "Silly woman, I would forgive you. But I can't just sit around knowing that you love someone else. If you're with me, you're with me. I can't share you, it would kill me."

Dragging a hand across his face, Vl'kan toyed idly with the hastily tied cloth around his knuckles. "I don't care who you're grumpy dragon chooses in her flight, but I'll be in that room and if someone so much as touches you, I'll rip their sharding throat out." At this Thormyth rumbled his pleasure, pleased at the increasingly dark train of thought His was having. "Our dragons dictate a large portion of our lives but they do not tell us who we fall in love with.."

[/font]

[Bellatora]

She was so quiet. Not saying a word... just listening. She finally started to cry. Faranth... why did he always have to be so amazing? So surprising? Surely he deserved better than her. "You won't have to share me anymore, Vl'kan..." She said softly, looking at him. "But... I feel bad making a promise because... I broke it before... Even if you love me... how can you trust me...?" her voice was very soft.

Izanycorth snorted from wherever it was she was sitting with whatever male. Iirla knew she was sitting with a male. She frowned. "I told you to shut up, Iz," she whispered through gritted teeth.

She leaned against the wall, feeling very sick again. But maybe that was just the effort at not crying. "Can you give me another chance... to love you and you alone...?" she asked him. It was barely a whisper.

She smiled slightly. She had been forgetting that, she supposed. She leaned back against the wall and looked down at her feet. "I want to love you and only you, Vl'kan... Faranth... but how I have screwed up again and again..." She sank down to the floor slowly.

Izanycorth grumbled somewhere off in the distance. So he would rip out the throat of anyone who tried to touch Hers? Then he would be her mate no matter what... Hmph. Well... seems he had chosen. She didn't have a say. Whatever the case, it didn't matter. She would have her own champion. Her own mate then.

Prasent was quick to appear and wrap himself around Iirla's neck, rubbing against her and crooning comfortingly. He didn't like it when His hurt.

[Zero]

He looked up in time to see the first tears finally fall down her cheek, instantly Vl'kan felt his heart tighten in his chest. Pushing himself off the wall, the garnetrider slowly, still somewhat hesitant, crossed the hall to where she stood. Reaching her side he took her hands in his own and moved to pull her into his arms. "Because I'm a blind fool. But if you tell me your mine, I'll take you at your word."

"If we ever find ourselves here again though, don't expect me to recover. I won't survive another shattered heart." Forcing up a small smile, he tried to lead her out of the hall they had been standing in for so long and headed for his room. Once inside he lead her to the nearest chair before closing the door and moving to attempt to tidy up. Clothes, mugs, and glasses littered his floor and hung on every bit of furniture in the place. He truly hadn't cared the past few days while they were avoiding eachother and fighting.

"If you want to love me then what's stopping you?" Sliding into an empty chair he ran a hand through his hair and looked at her from the corner of his eye. Thormyth hissed and snaked his head into the room, silent for now as he watched the two with crimson streaked eyes. Vl'kan ignored the large head and instead walked over to the lift to call down for some fruit juice and a plate full of the meats and rolls that were served for lunch. Scooping up the tray he moved to set it on his desk and slid back into his chair. "You don't look so good. How are you feeling?"

[/font]

[Bellatora]

"I don't want to ever hurt you again..." she said, her voice a bit strangled. "I love you... I really do. I'm just a stupid fool." She wrapped her arms around him tightly, as if clinging to him for life itself. She pressed her face into his shoulder tightly. "I-I am yours... forever..." she said softly, still resting against him and holding onto him as if for dear life.

"Faranth... Never again. We can never go here again..." She followed him without question. She always trusted him... usually more htan she trusted herself.

She watched him tidy up and smiled slightly. "Let me help you with that..." she said softly. She stood and started picking up things as well. "I'm so so sorry... I... I don't know how to make anything better... other than to promise you... I will never let this happen again. I never want us to be here again. I..." she fell quiet and sat back down. She was rather pale...

"I... I think... I'm afraid... Afraid you'll leave me some day..." she said softly, looking down at her hands. She was being honest. She wanted to love him... and yet she was afraid to...

She watched him, her eyes only leaving him to regard Thormyth. One could never tell what he would do... most of the time. And yet... she felt safe around him. A fact she did not plan on sharing with him any time soon.

She blinked. "Oh... Um.. I haven't been sleeping and I've been feeling very... sick lately..." She looked at him with a tear streaked face, but she gave the faintest smile all the same... thought it was a bit forced.

[Zero]

He tried to brush her off as she got up to help him tidy up. It was his pathetic mess, she didn't need to bother with it. "You think I'll...I'll leave you?" Vl'kan shook his head as he moved to throw what he had picked up from the floor on his bed. Did she have that little confidence in him, in herself, in...them? Through sickness and health he had been by her side throughout the turns, ever since that fateful day they had literally stumbled into each other. "Have you always thought this way?"

Thormyth yawned, deliberately showing off the saliva coated fangs, before letting his jaws snap shut with a hiss. This conversation was boring him and not to mention pathetic in the least. His was a fool for allowing a female such control over his life. Vl'kanMine, you act like it is the end of the world. I am the most important thing in this life, am I not? The Istan sighed inwardly and moved to scratch the garnets eyeridges, receiving a rumble of content in reply.

"Is it the baby? Have you been to see the healers?" His eyes flicked from his dragon to wander over her stomach. If she was sick then the baby could also be sick, and if the baby was sick then... The garnetrider swallowed and shook that train of thought from his head. "You're working yourself too hard. You need a break..."

[/font]

[Bellatora]

"I am afraid that... I'll make you want to leave me somehow... I have already hurt you too many times..." She looked down at her hands and sighed. "I want us to be happy. Happy together...." she sighed tiredly. "Not between you and I specifically..." She looked at him rather sadly. "I'm sorry... for ever believing that way... If you can forgive me for this... How could I ever have..." She broke off, biting her lip, more tears escaping her for the moment. why did she have to cry now! She never made a habit of doing that!

She sighed and watched him and Thormyth, purposely trying to give Thormyth a bored look. She would not be intimidated by him. No matter what or how he showed off his fangs. She sighed. Thormyth was Thormyth, however....

She miled as he asked about the child. She put a hand on her stomach. "I don't think that I'm sick... but I do need rest.. I just don't know how better to make things work... We need a Weyrleader badly." She sank back int the chair with a sigh.

She looked at him seriously and stood, ignoring Thormyth for the time being and look at Vl'kan. "Vl'kan... can we..." she bit her lip. "Are we still each other's...?" she said softly, walking a bit closer to him... just a small step, but all the same...