Rizor~Canidate

[zrazor]

Name:Rizor
Pronunciation: Rye-zor

Age:14
Season Born In:Summer

Gender: Male
Sexuality:Heterosexual

Appearance: With black hair and sky-blue eyes, Rizor is quite a looker. He has a well muscled body from living on a boat his entire life.His hair is worn down to his ears in strands with bangs ending at his eyebrows.
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Personality: Rizor is calm and collected most of the time and he is slow to anger, but when his rage is provoked it is something to fear. The only thing that ticks him off quickly is when family or a friend is hurt.
Rizor is very sensitive to the feelings of those around him, and is trustworthy. He doesn't like to talk, but when he does it usually is meaningful and deeply thought out. Rizor is very determined, when he decides on something he doesn't quit unless there is very convincing evidince that contradicts him.

Family: Ooman - Father - Ex-brownrider of Georonth - 41 turns
Rizara - Mother - Journeyman Harper - Deceased
N'can -Step-brother - Rider of Blue Sonoth - 21 turns
Ooma-Step-sister- Canidate - 18 turns

Location: Born in Trellis Weyr, raised by sailors on a trade freighter, back in Trellis Weyr
Rank: Canidate

History: Rizor was born during threadfall. Rizara gave birth to Rizor as a stray thread hit the roof of the wooden stable they were sheltered in. The thread strand ate the stable as Rizara ran out with Rizor still attached via umbillical chord. Another stray thread impacts Rizara's spine. Rizara is eaten along with half of the umbillical chord, causing Rizor to roll down a hill and into an overturned barrel. The barrel was promptly sealed and put onto a freighter by an clueless sailor.

Later that day out of the threadfall area the barrel was opened and a very suprised seaman finds Rizor in the barrel. So Rizor was taken to the captain and was raised by the captain as his own son. Rizor learned how o be a sailor on every level. From swabbing the decks as a child to becoming first mate at the age of thirteen.

Rizor has always wanted to be a dragon rider,albeit secretly. He never told his surrogate father because he wouldn't let him try so one night when the ship was at port he snuck off.


Candidate Questionnaire
Name after Impressing- R'zor
Name of Wher- X
Color Preference- Blue, Ebony
Character Preference- He doesn't know anything about dragons, so he wouldn't know.

Non-preferred- Queen, Garnet
Cross-Impressing- No
Mutations- Yes
Mauling- Yes, Light scar
Preferred/Non-Preferred Personality traits- Pacifist until fighting is unavoidable, Calm---Violent, Bloodthirsty.

[twitchie]

He is ready to be checked.
;3

[Wish]

With black hair and sky-blue eyes, Rizor is quite a looker. He has a well muscled body from living on a boat his entire life.His hair is worn down to his ears in strands with bangs ending at his eyebrows.

This whole section needs more description. Remember, you're painting a picture so to speak so don't just stop at the little details. You say he has black hair and blue eyes, and you even share a bit about his hair style, but is there anything else about his face? Does he have a large nose, freckles, what is his bone structure like? In terms of his body, you say it is muscled but don't mention if he's heavy-set or lankier, or if he's tall or short. What about his clothes, his voice, his mannerisms? All of these things are details you can include into his description.

Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because a picture may look nice, or the person it is of, doesn't mean that everyone will think the same thing so be careful about how you word things. The phrase "Is quite a looker" should be modified to something of the sense that Rizor has been said to look good, or believes he looks good.

Rizor is calm and collected most of the time and he is slow to anger, but when his rage is provoked it is something to fear. The only thing that ticks him off quickly is when family or a friend is hurt.
Rizor is very sensitive to the feelings of those around him, and is trustworthy. He doesn't like to talk, but when he does it usually is meaningful and deeply thought out. Rizor is very determined, when he decides on something he doesn't quit unless there is very convincing evidince that contradicts him.

I'd like to see expansion in his personality as well. Take your time and give examples of how he is patient, and talk more about what he is like with his friends and family. Does it take him a long time to trust and become close to people? Maybe he trusts others too well? Also, if he's not quick to anger, is that because of his personality being laid-back, or is it because he fears jumping to the wrong conclusion? When he does become angry, if it is done because of a reason that was misinterpreted, does that make him feel bad or does he just shrug it off? Is he more reserved and aloof because of his easy going personality, or is he confidant and enjoys taking a leadership position? Try taking your sentences, expanding them with some of these ideas, and break them into their own paragraphs.

Trelis in Location and Candidate in Rank are both misspelled.

In his history, Threadfall has only been going for a few turns which means there is no way he could have been born during it. Due to this, the rest of his history would not be applicable. If you wanted him to have been raised as a sailor, why not say that the mother was someone very young and her parents didn't want anyone to know about the birth, and she was told after childbirth that the baby died, but was given to a sailor and his wife that could not bear a child. This is just a more realistic way of explaining everything.

From there, Rizor would most likely have gone back and forth between Sollace Hold, Ista, and the Southern Continent. He could have been there as a young teenager when The Great Storm ruined Sollace Hold and many of the left over holdsfolk flocked to Trelis. Inali was still Weyrwoman at this time, not long after the Rebellion started to become active and Threadfall started. If he was searched or just stuck around the Weyr, then any of the history mentioned on the site could help you explain his life.

However, this is just one thing you could do out of many.

Great start to a bio, but still needs work.