Insomniacs {Bella/Iirla}

[Wish]

It wasn't uncommon to have Tikrin finding himself unable to sleep. Generally there were just too many thing going on in his mind. Definitely there were too many interesting things to see and contimplate. Like for instance, in the dead of night he had heard fighting outside of one Bronzerider's door. Well, that had been only the beginning if the evening. Since then, Tikrin had come back around that portion of the Weyr every night...for six nights.

Nothing had happened again, which only made him more curious instead of more lenient with it being a one time thing. He wanted to know why. Biting his lip the candidate began walking past the hallway that led to he Bronzerider's room, ignoring a young drudge who tried to catch his gaze as he sauntered past. Tikrin only winked at the young man, and just as quickly left him there to wonder why the candidate hadn't bothered to do anything else.

His feet led him aimlessly, until with a jolting realization, Tikrin understood where he was heading to. The hatching stands stretched out ahead of him, the sands below in the covered cavern. So deep in the rock dragonets would be hatched, but not yet. They had to yet be clutched even. His gaze wondered up to an opening above where moonlight poured in, the glow causing his black hair to take on a silvery sheen and his eyes brighten and yet pale.

He loved night, it was the best time of all in his opinion. It was even better though when he had something to do, or someone to have fun with. And with that thought his lips quirksd upward into a smirking grin while his hands pushed into his pockets. Rave chirped on his shoulder, the blue curling his tail like a choker around Tikrin's neck.

[Bellatora]

"It'll be great." She sighed and looked back at the new comer, her hair falling around her face loosely. Faranth. Why did someone have to come in here of all places. When she was crying of all times. She looked back towards the sands and quickly rose, turning towards Tikrin, Praesent wrapped around her neck, his hide seeming to move with the light. The silver light made everything all the more mysterious. Not far away was her Ama, who was showing signs of rising soon, and clinging to her arm and demanding attention was Trivol. She stepped towards the new comer, looking at him with interest. She didn't know that he had heard any of the commotion that had happened in S'bel's weyr six or so days ago. But she recognized him as someone who hung around Sevrin frequently.

"It is good to see you Tikrin," she said with a slight smile. She had her hands clasped before her, fingers laced as she attempted to look at ease. But she still hurt. Physically and emotionally. She looked back at the sands. "Izanycorth's hatching happened at night... It was rather incredible... Though... a bit more dangerous."

She was just making comments, reminiscing. There was one creature in her life that mattered more than any other and she would give anything to keep safe. And that was her gold Izanycorth.

[Wish]

Tikrin nodded toward the Senior Weyrwoman, an inquisitive look entering his features for a moment as he noticed the signs of a crying session. Perhaps to the less trained eye it would have gone away without notice, but Iirla wasn't that lucky. Tikrin noticed almost everything. The dark haired boy tilted his head to the side, curiosity wavering at the edges of his mind. Was what was bothering her connected to the events of six nights ago? It would make sense according to the rumors, and the fact that it was a Bronzerider's room.

"Upset about something Iirla?" He looked at her, dropping down onto one of the stands and crossing his legs on the one in front of it. He was lounging, entirely comfortable where he was, his arms crossed at his chest. "Hmmr...yes, what a magical and dangerous thing. It got you your lifemate though didn't it? Maybe we'll be so graced with another moonlight hatching giving us a Gold. I bet you'd be thrilled at that? I know many in the Weyr would be." He pressed at anything that might be of discomfort, testing the waters and her feelings.

If there was something he felt more thrilled about at the moment, it had been forgotten the moment he had seen her. Rave crooned to the other blues, his gaze wandering to Ama as well, not missing the fact that her hide was starting to get that subtle glow of a soon to be flight. Noticing his firelizard's gaze, Tikrin laughed. "Looks like we'll have dragon and firelizard eggs." He closed his eyes, his body open and inviting in posture, nothing too threatening except for his words which he kept at a mild tone and away from most types of sarcasm. "Thank you....for helping with Sevrin by the way. He's gotten better since you started to come by."

[Bellatora]

Iirla sat back and sighed. She placed a hand on her stomach. She could feel the child move, kick as it were. It didn't hurt too bad. Not yet anyways. She was sure as he grew stronger, it would hurt more...

She frowned. "Yes..." was all she said, sounding calm, airy even, as if brushing it off. She wished she hadn't noticed, but it wasn't enough to get under her skin at this point. She looked at him. He was a handsome enough young man... but he was difficult most of the time. But intelligent. Scary intelligent. "Indeed. It was wonderful..." There was a far away expression crossing her face for a moment, but she turned back to him. She laughed softly. "Oh... It'll just be wonderful if Izanycorth doesn't become the overprotective mother who tries to bite all the Candidate's hands off for touching her eggs..." She heard Izanycorth snort. "It would be trilling... And I know that Izanycorth does not wish to settle or desire anything less from herself." She sighed. She hated to think about the pressure the Weyr was putting on her and on her dragon for a gold egg. Something she could not control...

Trivol looked at the other blue, cocking his head to a side. What interesting markings. Hmph. But he was inferior to himself. All males were. Even most dragons. Of course the one who had tried eating him on ocassion, he had learned to avoid and even fear to a point. Praesent gave a soft croon to Rave in greeting.

Ama on the other hand started to show off, flaring her wings and arching her neck. She was a queen. A wonderful queen. The best queen. The only queen!

"Indeed. The little brat is getting ready to rise... In her mind though, she believes she is the only queen in the entire Weyr. The little brat." Ama squawked irritably at being called a brat. She grinned and soothed the flitter. "You are a lovely little queen, Ama... but you are a brat." She still didn't like being called a brat...

"I'm more than happy to help... And I'm glad to hear he is doing better..." Her expression clouded with guilt and she remained quiet then.

[Wish]

He watched her mannerisms more so than her voice, after all it was more telling in this one's case. Tilting his head to the side Tikrin listened nevertheless, waiting for the point where she would break in her speech and let him speak. It didn't come at first, or even after that. In fact that sharding woman had no trouble talking now did she? He listened though, nodding his head sympathetically every now and again. She was...was she weak? His eyes followed her hand to her enlarged middle, understanding that yes some of the rumors were true, she was with child.

"How far along are you?" He looked at the middle of her body once more before looking up at her face, ignoring any news of the eggs for now, the only thing he said to that was give a short barking laugh and shook his head. "It's impossible for people to decide when or how Gold eggs come, they'd sooner should allow you to bring someone in until one is laid. Then again, Thread falls and everyone knows that Golds lay more Queens during Thread." Hopefully it applied to the Sub-Queens as well.

His body tensed slightly as Rave hissed at Trivol, not liking his attitude, and he only chirped at Praesant. Instead, he flittered down to Ama, preening himself and stretching his wings to show off his coloring. Oh yes, he was a beautiful flit fit for a Queen of Queens! She was magnificence before his eyes! "Oh will you cut it out you? I swear, he's just as bad as she...only at night though. You'd swear it wasn't the same flit if you saw him during the day." He chuckled low at this, nodding his head as she answered him about Sevrin as well.

"He's an old friend of mine...so thank you again. I don't know what it is about you he likes, perhaps you remind him of his sister. Who knows, either way it's working. You and that trader girl. He tends to take better to girls and women than boys and men. Except for me of course, and even then he kicks me out quite literally at times." He winced as he remembered the last time that had happened, absentmindedly rubbing at his backside. "You shouldn't be so guilty either, he's better off without that brute of a Bronze. For once he's actually himself. Don't feel bad, you weren't you and Golds are hard to control, not to mention it was your first time....with flightlust I mean."

He smirked slightly at that, his gaze drifting to her middle again. "Is it really that Garnetrider of yours'?"

[Bellatora]

She blinked and looked at him. "I'm... almost six months along now..." She gently ran her hand over her stomach almost lovingly, as if caressing the child inside. This child... was something special. Though its quiet-ness worried her. She had heard that most children were more apt to kick and move more while before they were born... Faranth... she hoped the young one was alright...

"Indeed... I certainly hope that our sub-queen will lay more eggs as well... There is also a higher probability for queens during Thread... or so... what I have read indicates as much..." She sighed and leaned back a bit.

She grinned, watching Rave. She was always amused by the antics of firelizards. She looked at Ama who flared her wings as well and looked at Rave. He was showing off for her. It was only appropriate. She appreciated. She crooned to him and chittered somewhat playfully... though more flirtatiously. She gently nudged him with her nose. "She is always bad... no matter what time of day..." She couldn't help her slight laugh at the antics of the flitters.

She smiled warmly. "I'm just glad he is doing better. Has he literally kicked you out or are you trying to mess with me, Tikrin," she looked at him suspiciously, though her smile may have told him she was teasing as well. She believed him. "Yeah... it was stronger than I expected... I didn't... feel like I had any control at all."

"Yes. It is and I'm positive. I know it is his..." The fact was she did know. She had not been with a man in that way other than Vl'kan up to that night with S'bel... But she had still fallen over and over for S'bel... kisses... holding onto him... And... then... other times she had fallen in love with other men... many of those were easier to leave be. To not give into. Then, of course... there were so many things... so many problems... Oh Faranth... She did her best not to let herself look disturbed, but her thoughts did disturb her.

[Wish]

He continued to watch her, and the more he did, the more he became addicted to it. There was just something about her, a frailty he supposed, that intrigued him. She tried to hide it so hard though, push it away as if it were something to be afraid of. It brought the slightest of smiles to his lips, but thankfully around the time that the firelizards were up to their antics so it was hidden by the situation. Pushing his dark hair from his eyes he sat up, his arms hanging between his legs, propped on his knees. Raising his head, he looked at her, his eyes a dark gold from behind his bangs.

"What's so disturbing you Iirla? Come now, if you think you can hide anything from me, you're wrong. Sevrin says you've been jumpy as well. If you're so positive that the child is Vl'kan's, that Izanycorth will be fine with her clutch, that all is well for all intensive purposes...why be so...like this?" He motioned to her with a general gesture of his hand, letting it fall again before leaning back slightly. Oh yes, something frail, and something that oddly enough made him want to be wary of her. This wasn't someone he could so easily mess with out of boredom, she was messed with enough.

Instead, an oddly uncharacteristic idea popped into his head. What would it be like to observe her growing into herself? To help her? Generally he did the exact opposite, testing people to their limits for the reason of "science and understanding." He was no Healer though or Philosopher, just bored. No, this was something that could be interesting and good. Everyone would be pleased in the end, and the confusion it would create in those that knew him was just too good to pass up.

Patting the seat beside him he moved over a bit so she wouldn't feel confined or cornered. "Talk." That's all he said, that's all he would say, except for one more thing. "Iirla, I won't judge, I won't even comment unless you want me to, I'll just listen...so talk. Isn't it about time you do to someone?"

[Bellatora]

She could feel his eyes on her, but she tried to ignore it. It felt like she was looking deeply at her... beyond at her... more like into her. She was sure he was seeing much more deeply into her than she could imagine. She had been watching the flitters, but turned to look at him when he moved. He was handsome. That was definitely true.... but she needed to be wary... he wasn't the kind that you wanted to let your guard down around... he always knew too much. His eyes behind his hair were so... mysterious... their gold glint, though, was breathtaking - that she had to admit.

She blinked and looked at him, taking a long moment to answer. She didn't actually know how to answer. She sighed, her face becoming a rather hard mask. Masks were easy to put on... and harder to take off, but she had learned to maintain them for the sake of being Weyrwoman... Someone that people had to be able to depend on.

She watched him, studied him, her eyes raking over him gently. "There is a lot on my mind, really... A lot of things which are bothering me..." Though only one truly disturbed her the most. She wondered what he was getting at - what he would do. She wasn't sure at the moment... in fact... she was more worried than anything. She was scared to share it. It was so difficult... She bit her lip slightly and looked up towards the opening above the sands to where the moonlight streamed in and cast a silver glow over everything. There was pain in her eyes.

Iirla blinked and moved to sit next to him. She looked at him again, studying him. She gently placed a hand on her stomach again, hoping to feel the baby move or kick. "I suppose... you are right about that..." she sighed slightly. She wasn't good at this...

"I know you have heard the rumors... and the assumptions... about this child... and about many other things regarding me. I have a weakness - one that frustrates me to know end and has brought me a lot of pain.... and others... My romantic pasts and histories... are not so clean... And I have come to find it to easy to fall for one man or another, Tikrin... I feel like a stupid girl... It was S'bel first... then Dalrian when he was still a rider... then and now... Vl'kan. Vl'kan and I have been together for nearly five turns... and I have finally been blessed with a child - his child... but I fear the child may not be healthy when she is born... or... that... I might lose her... I have been doing my best to keep from becoming sick myself... but it is only a matter of time and with the stress Iz and I will go through when her eggs are on the sands... it almost seems... inevitable that something will happen." She paused and was quiet for a long minute. "And I am... always... I just... I..." she sighed and fell silent, covering her face with hre hands. She could talk yes, but talk about herself... this was as much as she ahd ever told anyone... ever.

[Wish]

He kept his hands on his knees, listening to her without actually looking at her. Instead his sight was on the ground, and yet everything about his body positioning told her he was attentive toward what she was saying. Even his head was tilted slightly as if to listen better, and occasionally he would nod or shake his head. Finally, once she was done, he lifted his head and gave a heavy sigh, his shoulders rolling back as he loosened them.

"Well, sounds like you have a very common problem Iirla....you're a young adult." He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Falling quickly for men, worrying about responsibilities, it's all normal. Trust me, I get it a lot too." Except he spoke of those that did it to him instead of his own experience. "Now, here's what I'd tell you to do. If something isn't working out, then do something about it. Say you don't like that Bronzerider, or maybe it's the Garnetrider you don't like, it doesn't matter which it could even be both. Just tell them you need time, that you need their support more than their 'loyalty'." His lips quirked into a smile at the play on words, as hard as it was to understand.

"Now, the child, that's something more serious. You need to not worry so much about them. Be strong, but be strong for her. Everything you do, do for her." He held open his hands, shaking his head. "I can't tell you much more than that. At her final words he furrowed his brow. What was she trying to say? "You're always what? Making mistakes? I bet if you asked Inali she'd say the same thing. Look how she turned out though....mind you, before Loraketh passed. Dedicate your life to something, it helps you to focus." He knew that first hand now, and he nodded to himself as he said the words.

Leaning back again he spread out his body along the stands, looking up at her and folding his arms behind his head and neck. "What happens happens Iirla, I know you don't want to hear that, but it's all just one big test that likes to sharding mess people up. You're not alone in it though. Everyone has their ghosts, their hardships, their trials. These are yours, so how will you deal with them? Personally, look to your dragon. Either she will give you guidance, or perhaps it is she that actually is causing a problem?" He let her think that over and reply to him before saying anything else.

[Bellatora]

Iirla was quiet for a long time before she finally sighed. She didn't feel like anyone really understood it.... There seemed, at least to her... to be so much for to it... but... she supposed she owed him a response... She was looking at him for a moment then looked down at her hands then to where Trivol lay, now curled across her stomach as if protecting the little life inside, though really he was just lounging. Stupid flitter.

Iirla looked up towards the moonlight again as she spoke, the silver sheen causing her skin and hair to glow with a fain silver light as she did so... her brown eyes almost looked black with the lighting.... Black, deep, mysterious and far away....

"I suppose so..." She sighed softly. "I have never pictured you as falling for anyone... men either..." she shook her head slightly then hre face became utterly serious. "It is not that I fall quickly for men that is a problem... It's just... I... Faranth. I don't know how to explain or what to say... I'm a stupid fool..." She shook her head and scrubbed at her face with her hands lightly. "Sometimes... I hate being Weyrwoman... I feel like I have to be more than... what I'm capable of... and yet I can't bring another Goldrider in right now... not with how much conflict is going on.... and not after... last time..." She sighed and looked up at the sky again.

"It's like... being addicted to one and wanting to love the other and feeling... feeling like its impossible... Love seems impossible to me... Is it possible? Or will I keep thinking I've fallen in love and the truth is... that I haven't... Maybe... It is time to give up on that... I do need their support... Vl'kan is Weyrleader and S'bel a Wingleader... who is threatening to leave the Weyr... and there are only two ways that I could stop him... two ways that are possible... and neither... neither will do any good or truly work..."

"More than anything I want her to remain safe... And want Izanycorth to be well cared fo." She sighed and looked at him. "Izanycorth, as much as I love her.... she is definitely part of the problem... Life just feels like one or more mistakes after another..."

She thought for a long moment. "Sometimes... feels like all anyone ever has or will want of me is to get something from me.... to use me in some way... I don't always feel like I can trust people..." She bit her lip and felt tears in her eyes again as more thoughts started to swirl in her mind.

[Wish]

Tikrin outright laughed as she started to speak, his eyes closing and his face wrinkling as he held his chest. "That's because I'm the one they usually fall for." He winked at her for good measure, a playful smirk on his lips. Just as quickly he became serious though and he shook his head. "You're a great Weyrwoman, you just get distracted. With all those handsome Riders throwing themselves at you though, one can't blame you for being distracted. Plus there's the issue of the rebellion, tithes, threadfall, clutches, and your child now as well."

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and getting up to pace around. "Look, I don't know what to tell you other than that we are given things we don't necessarily want. It's life; what you do with it is your choice....your prerogative." He left it at that, after all no matter what he did she would still think the same. What he had hoped to be an entertaining conversation was quickly beginning to sound like a lost cause. Pushing hair back from his face he shook his head sadly and picked at one of his nails. "You can always trust one person, yourself."

{Sorry it's so short >.<}

[Bellatora]

"You really don't seem like the type who would fall for anyone quickly." She shook her head and smiled slightly. He was something else. That was for sure. "You better be being honest with Tikrin... 'cause I don't think Izanycort would think twice about eating you... She has her own issues... and a temper like no other... And now she has Thor as a mate... That's just going to be fun..." She shook her head. If she wasn't a handful already... she was going to be eve more of one now. "Yes... there is a lot... Soemtiems I feel like there is no one else to depend on. J'sol and I are jsut starting to learn how to really get along, honestly. Which makes it all the more sad that he is someone I consider to be my best friend..." She sighed and shook her head with a slight smile.

She watched him. He was a rather handsome creature to watch... especially in motion. But she wouldn't admit that too him. Not now... probably not ever.

"I suppose... Life is life and you can only do so much with it most of the time. I thought when I was searched I'd be leaving slavery behind, but it just feels like a new kind of slavery... being Weyrwoman." She shook her head with a tired sigh. She gave him a small smile. "I'm probably a lost cause, Tikrin... Don't even trust myself, my own judgement as far as I'm capable of throwing myself. Not that I ever would." She was joking now and it showed in the tilt of her mouth. "What about you Tikrin... how is it that you ended up where you are today...?"

Izanycorth gave a sort. I don't appreciate being spoken of like that without my ability to chime in Mine. Why must you choose when I'm sleeping. Izanycorth was speaking for both of them to hear, though she was far off in her Weyr curled up with her garnet mate. Her king of violence.

Iirla ignored her. "Their babies are going to be terrors. I just know it." She shook her head with a sigh and s slight chuckle, though it wasn't a particularly deep sound.

[Wish]

He let her talk it out of her system, let her rant on and on until she was through. It seemed appropriate to just listen at that moment in time, and Tikrin found himself paying attention only partially. He heard enough to get the gist of what was the issue, but details, eh he was too sharding tired for details. Looking up at her though he finally sighed and shook his head telling her he didn't have anything left to say about her problems.

Thankfully though, or perhaps not so much as it turned out, she turned the subject onto him. "Why am I here? Well...I was brought here for candidacy naturally....I grew up with Sevrin and Panille and...well Sehille as well, back on Ista. We were close, and we all were effected with Sehille died. Little by little though, everyone pulled apart, and well eventually we all ended up back here as well." He shrugged as if to say that was that. There wasn't a whole lot more to say of his story.

Sure he could tell her of the four he was the only one with parents that cared to check on him, or that they used to steal things and play pranks. What good would that do though? He yawned slightly, his arms stretching as he felt his muscles tense and loosen bit by glorious bit. What else could he say? He thought about that for a moment, unable to think of anything to add. Did she think it was alright to just leave it there? Tikrin waited, not needing that answer, just intrigued by it.

[Bellatora]

Iirla just gave a smile to him, a soft, small one. "Thank you, by the way..." That was all she said for a long moment. He had listened. He had tried to help her. It was more than what she could have imagined... and she appreciated it... More than she could say. "It's nice to just... say what you feel sometimes... or what you fear... makes it easier to not let it bother you." She frowned slightly.

"I see... A family in its own right. It seems... Sehille had a lot to do with what happened to you. I must admit... I wonder what it would have been like to know her... What kind of person she was... She had such an impact on all of you. She must have been pretty sharding amazing in her own right." Iirla was always quick to compliment others. "But... I should likely hold my tongue. No one wants to hear from an outsider things such as those..." She looked at him. "There must surely be more to you, Tikrin, because no matter how much I know of you or how much I look at you... it feels like... I'm only seeing the surface... You are definitely smart. Possibly or maybe undeniably the smartest man I have met at this point in time." She leaned forward and draped her arms across her knees, which was a little awkward, what with her rather... large stomach.

Iirla frowned. "Most people no by now... My uncle sold us all... I was a slave to a Lord Holder... my brother was lucky enough to be bought by a kind weaver... The rest of my siblings... I still have not heard word of them... I can't say that it was all bad... But there are times I wish nothing more than to see the man suffer... though he is dead now anyways." She frowned and looked at the hatching sands with a far away expression and sighed. Faranth... She didn't talk about that. She wanted to forget... and yet... here she was telling Tikrin of all people. Who surely knew this anyways. She stood, not exactly the easiest task, and walked down to the railing above the sands, looking at them as the moon turned the sands to a glowing silver.

[Wish]

"Yeah...she was pretty amazing. The rest of us, we took care of her. She was so innocent and just naive. So, when she died it was as if that part of us died too." He frowned, amazed that he had talked so much about himself with someone. He generally didn't go so far into his own opinions. Instead he watched her, not replying to her comment on only seeing his surface. That was just how Tikrin liked it. He hated people to know how he really was, it just was too personal, too much.

Instead he brushed a bit of hair from her eyes, tilting his head to one side. "You feeling okay? Not going to get sick on me are you?" He even moved to rub her back, worried that she was going to suddenly turn ill on him. When she spoke however he gave a sigh of relief and drew his hand back. "Everyone has ghosts in their closet, you're not alone in that. Maybe you should try sending word to them if you're worried? You have that power, you could track them down if you wanted."

He sighed, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head before pacing back and forth a bit. "Look, the only way I see it, is you have two options. Either sit here like this for the rest of your life and suffer because you allow yourself to be pushed..." He narrowed his eyes at her, a cold edge to his voice, and just as quickly it disappeared. Bending over he smiled softly, his tone warming up as he spoke again. "Or, you can find people that will help you and that you can count on to lean against and start to learn how to walk on your feet again. It's your choice Iirla."